My story so far..

I seriously don't have a clue how to start these posts at all! So I think I'll just start typing away..

Today I'm going to cover my experience & story so far..

I actually started with anxiety literally from when I left school, so age 16/17. I didn't really have much of a summer holiday because during that period I was organising my apprenticeship to start in September, the planning took place in August though, with induction days & interviews.

 I genuinely didn't really know that I was suffering from anxiety because I had never suffered from nerves at all, not even through exams, dentist appointments..basically things that can make you anxious.

So when I was going through my day to day life feeling sick, I didn't actually pay much attention to it really. I just tried to keep busy & ignore the feeling. I felt the only thing that solved the sickness feeling was to have soothers, slightly random but it helped. During my time on my apprenticeship I didn't really have time to stop & think.

I would leave the house between 8 and half past, work 9 til 5,meet a couple of friends in town on my dinner break, spend the evening with my boyfriend & then get home between 9 & 10. Pretty long days!

But I noticed my anxiety peak to a massive high once my apprenticeship stopped, my friends stopped meeting me & my relationship ended..for me, at the point, everything was over.

That was when the panic attacks began, I can remember one week I went to 3 emergency appointments at my doctors. The process went on for months, I had to actually go through 4 doctors (my 4th doctors is my current one & I can't praise him enough) to actually feel a benefit & get some answers. He decided to do blood tests to rule out any physical illness & an ECG (which checks your heart beat). So I suppose the doctor's surgery started to feel like my second home for a while.

After realising I had no physical illness it was put down to anxiety. I was given a website to go on (http://www.llttf.com ) ,which was very good but in the same breath I didn't fully understand it. But I did become friends with a girl (who would later become a pretty good friend of mine) who was in the same boat as me and goes by the name of Jess. We don't live close but I know if I needed her I could speak to her & I hope she feels the same too! :) So after giving the website a go & feeling I wasn't really making progress back to the doctors we went..

Last June (2012) I finally got to see/speak to someone in person for CBT sessions (http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/cognitive-behavioural-therapy/pages/introduction.aspx) ..My first sessions were over the phone with a woman, but I felt depressed after I came off the phone to her so I asked to be moved & that was no problem so I went to see a man instead for face to face sessions. They were once a week every fortnight/four weeks which wasn't really enough if you ask me. But I didn't really benefit much from those neither because they just made me realise I was doing everything I should be but getting nowhere..

A funny thing for you all to hopefully have a giggle at is when I first went to my first session I remember looking out the window which just faced onto a brick wall, not quite as you imagine it when you see episodes of 90210..oh how we would all love to live the glamorous lifestyle!

Right back on track, I then went to my doctors again as I had discharged myself from the sessions as I didn't feel I was benefiting.

My doctor's appointment was in the middle of the morning & as you can imagine your never on time into a doctor's appointment unless you get the first appointment. So we was waiting almost an hour & in that time a full blown panic attack was brewing..

It lasted all the waiting time & even when I was in the appointment. So luckily the doctor got a first viewing of how I was & recommended going on tablets. I didn't want to take tablets but I had to do something to get my life under control so on tablets I went, I can certainly tell a complete difference..

I am still on them now & still go for 6 month reviews. The way the doctor described taking tablets will always stick in my head, he explained it like windscreen wipers on a car. Sometimes you don't need them to get you through your journey but when your travelling through sleet, snow, hail & rain you would be stuck.

So I guess it applies the same for humans - sometimes to get through your journey of life you need a little bit of help when things get too much. No two people are the same, different things work differently for everyone. If you or someone you know is suffering don't be afraid to ask for help.

 I am still battling with anxiety, I am still not in full time work & I still have no friends to meet up with..but I'm just focusing on me!

 

- Anna ♥

 

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