'it's the most wonderful time of the year'...

Not for everyone it isn't.

I've been wanting to sit down and write this post for a while now (but plans have got in the way), it isn't going to be a big one. But I just wanted to write it and address that it is okay not to be okay during 'the most wonderful time of the year'.

Ever felt pressure to be okay? We all have at some point or other I'm sure. But you know what, it's okay not to be okay. That covers all year round, Christmas doesn't make illnesses and feelings disappear, wouldn't it be lovely if it did.

I feel like Christmas is the one time of year where there is added pressure to be okay but it really is okay not to be okay, honestly.

Whatever emotions you are feeling it is okay.

I want this post to act as a little reminder for you and a little reassurance too.

Take it easy, look after yourself. Take your time and breathe. One step, one day at a time.


My Invisalign Journey - so it becomes real...

Just over a week ago I got my Invisalign aligners and attachments fitted. I can honestly say it feels like the world's longest week and I just want to move on to my second aligners (that's happening today)!

I've had a realization today, on my blog I can waffle away as much as I like, nobody is being forced into reading it so I can type as much as I like or as little (it'll more than likely be a lot, not a little). I absolutely love when someone gets in touch with me to say that I've helped them in some way, it's a great feeling knowing you're helping someone. We are all put on this planet to make a difference, I choose to make a good difference (admittedly sometimes I probably don't make a good difference, I'm only human not a robot)!

So I'm hoping I can help some people understand the Invisalign process a little more (I'm no expert, neither do I work for Invisalign so some of the stuff I say might be a little wrong so don't expect me to be a fountain of Invisalign knowledge). I'm just a girl experiencing and sharing her journey.

Before heading in to the dentist

19th December 2015, 9.30am
It's time for the journey to really begin. I'm getting the attachments and first aligners fitted, mixture of emotions...excited, nervous and scared all mixed into one big ball. It all feels very real now. Now I've sat down to write this though the appointment feels like a blur, it feels so long ago.

One of the things I was dreading about braces was the part where the dentist uses some kind of mouth opening tool to keep your mouth wide open and lips off your teeth. At first it was pretty uncomfortable, I'm sure no mouth is meant to open that wide. But after a few minutes I got used to it.

Once the dreaded part was over, it was time for a disco in my mouth (so many colours and sounds going off)! I got my teeth cleaned, shaved/filed, prepped ready for my tooth coloured attachments to be fitted (even though my dentist joked that he'd used the green colour attachments, could you imagine?!) I don't even want to begin to imagine...

Attachments fitted, it was then time for the aligners. I can remember looking at myself in the mirror afterwards and just staring at these great big things on my teeth. But after a couple of days they didn't feel so big.

After leaving the dentists, wearing my first Invisalign aligners.

Luckily I got them fitted on a Saturday morning so I didn't have work for a couple of days so I had a few days to get used to them, not only the look of them but the removing and reinserting of them. My dentist made sure I could take them out whilst I was there, he shared a few tips with me (I kind of forgot them, maybe I should write stuff down more)! I remember taking them out for lunch and it taking a good 10/15 minutes, I was so worried I wouldn't be able to get them out or I'd snap them. So far so good though, I haven't snapped them and I'm very capable of taking them out. Practice makes perfect springs to mind now.

The motto of the weekend was 'no pain, no gain' because my teeth were so sore. Every time I took my aligners out and put them back in it was painful, but it's ok...the pain can easily be eased with ice cream. Not only does it taste great but it also numbs gums, on to a winner here.

Today I'm moving on to my second set of aligners, hopefully the weeks after this will fly by.

My Invisalign Journey - it's ClinCheck time!

I'm doing pretty well this time around, I had my first ClinCheck on the 10th of December and my second on the 11th (you don't usually have two, only if you're unhappy with the first one). ClinChecks amaze me, actually if I'm being honest this whole process amazes me!

The ClinCheck is basically a 3D image/video on screen of your teeth, made up from the impressions that are sent away to Invisalign and a prescription provided by your dentist. Invisalign then create a 3D on screen plan to determine how your teeth will move. I'm not going to lie, I just thought your teeth would move to create straight teeth and that perfect smile. I was proven very wrong. All our smiles are different, so are the treatment plans available.

I was super excited to see my ClinCheck but unfortunately the first one left me a little deflated and gutted but have no fear, in came my wonderful dentist to the rescue! I seriously cannot fault the service they provide. Yes, you'd like to think all dentists would provide a good service but how many places do you know that are meant to provide a good service and don't. I can tell these people are genuinely nice and I look forward to sharing this journey with them.


The first ClinCheck my dentist showed me that Invisalign created was using only 14 trays, which would fall under Invisalign Lite. Invisalign Lite is the cheapest option available (it uses fewer trays) but looking at the movement my teeth would take and where they would end up, I wasn't happy. It left my front top teeth sticking out, that wasn't quite what I wanted out of this. But the joy with Invisalign that I didn't realize is you have total control over how your smile will look at the end (still amazed!).


Fast forward less than 24 hours, a new ClinCheck had been created. Only a couple of extra trays but I'm completely happy about this plan.


I'm so glad I got a choice of comparing them both and I'm so glad my dentist is absolutely fantastic. I seriously want to shout from the rooftops how amazing he is! I've had horrible dentists before, one who actually brought me to tears. Dentists aren't meant to speak to you the way he spoke to me, he spoke to me like something on the bottom of his shoe. Safe to say I never stepped foot in that dentists again.

After looking at both ClinChecks I didn't have to make a decision there and then, I could go home and think about it. Call them back whenever I wanted but I didn't need to think about it, I knew I wanted Invisalign Complete (the second option with 17 trays, even though I've got in my head I'm having 23? I'm not sure where that has come from).

What was left to do now? Once you've decided you want to go ahead with your treatment and the plan on screen, all that's left to do is click approve. I'm sure in most cases the dentist approves this for the patient but me being the dweeb I am, I asked my dentist if I could click approve myself, which of course he said yes so I clicked that button and felt soooo happy inside. So one click (ok, two clicks...you have to press ok again to be sure you want to confirm) and the journey really begins...

My Invisalign Journey - the impressions, photos and xray

I'm not exactly on track when it comes to updating my Invisalign journey on here, far from it right now. It's now December the 13th and my appointment for my impressions, photos and xray was on November the 26th (I've had two more appointments since then).

I love discovering blogs where people share their journey and experiences on anything really so I'm hoping to help someone understand the journey. I'm going to break down each little part of this appointment to explain what happened so you know what to expect.

The impressions...
  I was a little unsure about these, I did try to do a little bit of researching online (Invisalign is now my favourite hashtag to search for on Instagram, amazing results!) to see what I could find out about it really. I didn't learn alot, I just saw a few people taking selfies whilst having their impressions taken. I've absolutely no idea why they'd want to be taking selfies, I wanted that thing out of my mouth as soon as. I didn't want to think about taking a selfie or two.

My legs kept randomly shaking in the morning before my appointment. But I was a mix of nervous and excited. I've learnt with anxiety that emotions and physical symptoms run around in circles chasing each other but once you've worked through the worse of them, it does get easier.

The impressions are basically like a mold of your teeth.
How do you get these impressions?
Think gum shield with a handle, like a mini frying pan. Filled with gunky putty that sets after about 3 minutes. The putty isn't pleasant, neither is the gum shield frying pan (I'm sure there is a technical and official name for this) in your mouth! At this stage the advice I would give is focus on your breathing. It's fairly easy to panic a little at this point, I did. Admittedly it is pretty tricky to focus on your breathing with a gum shield frying pan in your mouth, I'm starting to think this is just called a tray.

If you're having Invisalign on both your top and bottom teeth that's a total of 6 glorious minutes with the putty and gum shield frying pan/tray in your mouth...yuck! But just think of your final improved smile.

If you have a big mouth you might find the impression taking easier. I struggled because my mouth is small but apparently that doesn't affect the noise that comes out of it...well some people clearly know me quite well.

The impressions might take a couple of attempts, luckily mine didn't. But my dentist still liked to trick me and told me I needed to do them again. Thankfully he has a sense of humor and makes the whole experience better. Laughter makes everything better right?


The photos...
  I don't exactly think they take much explaining. My dentist just took photos of my teeth from different angles to send off with my impressions. At this point I never knew my mouth could stretch so much, I had these two big plastic hooks (you can see them in the photo below) to keep my mouth open and to pull my cheeks away from my teeth to get a proper view. I'm not going to include all the photos in here, I'm going to leave them til the final post so I can fully compare the difference. I love looking at peoples before and after photos. I obviously don't have any after photos yet but I'm going to have to throw in some before photos so we all know what we are dealing with here.

photo my dentist took to send to Invisalign

before my Invisalign journey begins

my current 'smile'

The xray...
  They take an xray of your teeth to determine the movement of your teeth and to check for any teeth that could be hiding under the surface. To take the xray I had to stand in a room and bite on a little piece of plastic, then the machine went around my head taking an xray that looks like this...


As my dentist said, imagine someone has taken your smile and rolled it out with a big rolling pin.


Impressions, photos and xray taken...on to the next step, the ClinCheck (that's already happened I just need to write about it)!


Have you ever had Invisalign? or are you considering it? I wanna know! :)

Go Ape, Segwaying through Sherwood Pines...

Well, what a way to spend a Sunday afternoon. Whizzing around the forest on these beasts...


Can I please go back again tomorrow for another go? Imagine working as a segway instructor, I wonder if it ever gets boring.


Today was my very first time on a segway and I was a mixture of emotions...excited, scared and nervous. At first the segways were a little daunting but I guess it's just the same with anything new.


I bought a forest segway experience for my little brother (he isn't my blood brother, we've been family friends since he was little and when he was little he wanted a big sister, he asked me and I've been his 'big sister' ever since). He turned 13 this year and I thought it would be a pretty unique and awesome thing to do for a special age (I was totally right)! Segway experiences at Go Ape cost £35 per rider for an hour. Yes, it might be pricey but I highly doubt you'd be disappointed! A little tip, check for offers. I managed to get £15 off using my Nectar card points and 15% off too (result or what?!).


The session began with a few rules and health and safety (both on paper for us to read and also we got told them too before we began to make sure we were all clear). Once we were all aware of the rules and were prepared with our helmets (that Go Ape supply) it was time for a little lesson to make sure we were all aware of how the segways worked and made sure we could all control and ride them with ease.

Everyone in our group seemed to pick it up pretty well which was fab cos it meant more time whizzing around the forest (three people didn't manage to keep up but it was ok cos there was more than one instructor who stayed with them). We went around the forest in single file, segway conga anyone?

At first admittedly I was still slightly unsure and felt a little sick on the segway, I think that was because it was a new weird experience...could also have something to do with the motion of the segway but eventually the nausea passed (pretty much once we'd arrived back where we started). In single file the idea was to keep atleast a cars length between your segway and the persons infront, without a doubt at the start you could of fitted a couple of buses inbetween me and the lad infront. We spent just over an hour segwaying which was well worth the £35 per rider (I didn't pay that cos of offers but I certainly would pay that to do it again though)!

If you have the opportunity to go segwaying, jump at it! Seriously, I don't think you'll regret it. If you happen to go to Sherwood Pines hope that you have James as your leader, he was fantastic (I'm sure the others are just as good too). Thanks Go Ape, Sherwood Pines and James (the instructor). James kept stopping and giving us all a heads up before we went through certain parts of the forest. Even coming to my rescue when I managed to run in to a tree, you could say I was a pro...or not! I will definitely be going again!


The last time I was at Sherwood Pines I was watching The Vamps and this gave me the same amount of excitement as seeing them live did! If you love live music and understand the feeling it gives you you'll understand why I added that in.

Have you ever been segwaying? What did you think?

My Invisalign Journey, the consultation...

One of my goals this year was to enquire more about braces. Three things put me off...my dentist, the procedure (cos it's so unknown and alien to me) and the cost (admittedly this one has kind of been an added fib, it'll be money well spent). I've not been happy with my teeth for a long time, during my secondary school years I didn't have a dentist therefore I didn't have the braces option. When I look at old photos of me now I wish my mum would of taken me to one, kicking and screaming. But I think I'm now prepared for it, well you know as prepared as I can be.

I've spent a good couple of months now searching Invisalign stories and before/after pictures online, they are all amazing! I can't believe the difference it makes. So instead of just having the idea going round and round and round in my head of wanting to go for braces but not wanting to go for braces I finally took that first step and booked the initial appointment, my consultation (a free one too, always a bonus right?)!

Invisalign has always been my favourite choice when looking at my options. I'm not going to lie, I didn't do alot of research about the dentists that offered the service. I used the Invisalign website to check out clinics in my area, they have a cool little coding system to let you know the dentists rating too. Then I checked out the website of a dental clinic close to me, but not too close (I don't recommend my previous dentist). Sometimes the journey seems to calm my nerves down a little cos those pesky nerves come in waves. The clinic offered a free consultation. Normally when you think free, it'll be a quick chat? No, not at all. I was in there for just over an hour. The dentist went through everything with me and I can't fault him at all, I'm actually really looking forward to seeing him again (just hope next time he has a little bit of One Direction on the TV instead of Mariah Carey) hehe! The second I walked into the room I felt at ease, I absolutely love people who give off a good vibe. He  examined my teeth to make sure I would be suitable for the treatment (I was, hooorraaayyy)!, he explained to me every option there was to take, all the different kinds of Invisaligns that are available (I didn't realise there was different kinds), how the treatments work, he showed me some real life cases of patients he is currently treating and ones he has already treated, I've got to say I'm impressed with his work. I can't even express how well he explained everything, I'm seriously amazed and highly impressed! 

I'm quite an anxious person so I wasn't exactly looking forward to this appointment but I went for it and you know what. It turned out extremely well! I felt terrible the whole car journey there, thankfully we had about a 5/10 minute wait so I could calm down. I'm going back again on Thursday (26th) for my impressions. I've spent long enough thinking about it, it's now time to take some action. I feel like with the help of Dr Khaliq and his assistant this journey is going to be a breeze. Right now I won't even have to think twice about recommending Bawtry Dental Clinic to anyone!

I'll update you after I have my impressions which I'm dreading but hey, the fear can only control me if I let it. So I'll be heading into the clinic on Thursday calm or on edge and maybe nervous too. But I'll attack it head on!

Expectations and judgements.

Expectations and judgements are two things I really hate in life. Who sets out these expectations that we are meant to live by? Is there actually such a thing as a 'life rule book', no. I highly doubt it. I'm writing this post for those of you who feel alone and isolated because you aren't living life according to the 'milestones' or the people of your age group. I'm one of you, I'm not living life like most people my age, but does that actually matter? No, it doesn't. It doesn't bother me but other people make judgement, does it bother them? I don't actually know, it shouldn't.

My most recent post was sharing an article I read in Cosmopolitan, the article included a list of expected milestones which was kind of interesting but also stupid and upsetting to those of us who aren't living life as we are 'expected'.

There are a fair few remarks that people say to me that irritate the hell out of me. These people don't fully know me, or what I've been through in life so what right do they have to judge me? I shouldn't let these remarks effect me in the slightest but I'm only human so they do, I wish they didn't but I'm not a robot. I can't just block out peoples remarks. 

People pass judgement about relationships, 'oh, don't you have a boyfriend?'. My response to this is, no I don't have a boyfriend. For now I'm quite happy trying to build my life for me. If someone comes into my life then that might change but right now I'm not looking for someone to 'complete' me. Since when did we have to be in a relationship?

People pass judgement about where I live, 'oh, so you still live at home?'. 'Shouldn't you have moved out and got your own place?'. My response to those are, yes, I do still live at home. The clue is kind of in the name, it's my home too. A house that my parents have built as a home for us. When you turn a certain age your home doesn't stop being your home. Just like your family don't stop being family. Family are for life. Why is living at home such a bad thing? I absolutely love my parents (most of the time) and they aren't going to be around forever (morbid but true, but then again I could die before them). What would be the point in me moving out to live on my own, be miserable and struggle? No point what so ever. Yes, I live at home but I still live an independent life.


You know what, there are so many ridiculous expectations and judgements that people make towards each other. Why? What is the point really? Do these expectations and judgements help anyone?

Rant over.


I really hope that atleast one person has read this and thought I'm so glad I'm not the only one not living up to the 'expectations'. We all have very different stories to tell, we've all been through different stuff that has shaped us into the incredible people we are today and we should be proud of it! Be proud of yourself, be proud of the journey you've been on and continue to travel. Screw the expectations and other peoples judgements towards you. The only person who can be the judge of your life is the person living it, you. 


'If life's judged by milestones, I've failed' inspired by Jameela Jamil's article in Cosmo

I'm one of those girls who buys a monthly magazine to the read them straight away in a few months time. Glamour & Cosmos slowly stacking up on my floor, I'm looking at you!

I buy monthly magazines because they seem to have more appealing content, inspiring stories, interesting facts and aren't bursting with rumors and gossip.

When finally sitting down to read one of my many magazines I came across an article by Jameela Jamil, 'If life's judged by milestones, I've failed'...me too Jameela, me too!


In the article Jameela shares how she recently (many months ago now, I'm guessing) came across an article that listed major life milestones and the age at which we're expected to reach them by. This inspired me to share the list she shared in Cosmo and give my responses to the milestones on the list. I tried to find Jameela's article online but I couldn't find it and it was in the September issue so you can't even read it in the magazine itself, oops!

I'd safely say 2 or 3 days of the week I compare myself to others, doubt my ability, doubt my life but you know what. That's normal and there is no such thing as a perfect life or life plans or life rules. Go with the flow, we all live very different lives. We're all at different stages of our lives, we all have different challenges thrown at us but the important part is that we are still going strong and moving forward.


I still thought this would make a pretty interesting post for you and me.
Enough of the chit chat, on to the list hey?!

First kiss (expected age, 15) I was in my teens so we'll go 13, 14 or 15.

First full-time job (expected age, 20) ...nahhh, I'm still not in full time just yet...I'm swaying more towards the 24 mark...four years behind!

Pass driving test (expected age, 20) add 2 years and you've got it! I was 22 when I passed my driving test.

First holiday with friends (expected age, 20)...damn, we're expected to do a lot in our year of being 20! I've never been on holiday with friends so I'm failing at this one.

Buy first car (expected age, 22) no, that didn't happen. I got bought my first car at 22.

First holiday with a partner (expected age, 23)...rapidly approaching 24 and I have no partner, safe to say I'm failing on this one!

Be a bridesmaid (expected age, 23)...never been a bridesmaid and no chances of that in the future.

Rent on your own (expected age, 24)...that's in 3 months time...I highly doubt it! I need to seriously learn to manage my money first, plus I don't fancy living on my own anyhoo.

Get engaged (expected age, 25)...pretty sure I need a boyfriend for this to happen? That'll be a no then.

Rent with a partner (expected age, 25)...well these are making me feel kind of lonely...I don't have a bloomin partner!

Get married (expected age, 27)...that's in like 4 years time, let's not worry about that one.

Buy first flat (expected age, 27)...too far in the future for me to think right now!

Have first child (expected age, 28)...I'm pretty sure I can't fill the last lot of this list now.

Buy first house (expected age, 29)...I'll happily aim for this one!


Now it's your turn (really hoping someone will join in on this...someone...anyone pppllleeeaaaassseee), I wanna see your responses to the list. I wanna see how everyone else is doing. If you're failing that's absolutely fine, join the club or maybe you're totally passing the test of major milestones...I wanna hear if you're failing or passing, either way it doesn't really matter. I just thought this article was pretty interesting and totally worth sharing, minus the fact of I do actually think it's utter rubbish at the same time! I mean seriously though, who made up this milestone expected list? What these lists give is pressure, unnecessary pressure! What do you think?

anxiety does not define me...anymore!

I'm not going to lie and say it never completely defined me, for a few years it did. I used to really avoid things because I'd feel anxious. I'd let the feeling control me. I'd feel anxious most days, feeling normal was no longer a feeling for me. The new 'normal' was feeling sick and having panic attacks on a regular basis, that normal wasn't a feeling I wanted to stick around. Thankfully over the years that feeling has gradually disappeared. I don't remember an exact day when I began to feel anxious so much and I also don't remember when I started to feel less anxious.

I spent a good few years feeling completely defined by anxiety, like there was nothing else to me. Like I had nothing about me, feeling sick and panic attacks were taking over. I wanted so much to have a 'normal' life, normal is so different for everyone. I wanted to be able to leave the house without that sick feeling or the panic lurking ready to pounce. I wanted so badly to do things that others took for granted.

Things didn't get easier for me by choice, the feelings didn't just disappear by sitting around and hoping they'd go away. Things got easier because I pushed myself, little things at a time. I'd gone from being pretty independent to an extremely nervous, anxious person. I rebuilt myself and my life.

Overtime I eventually realized that there is so much more to me than my illness. Anxiety is going to be a part of me for all my life I'm guessing. It'll come and go, thankfully now it stays away for a lot more than it stays. Anxiety, let's stay that way please.

I began blogging as an escape, from my own thoughts but all I could seem to write about was my health, my troubles, my worries, whatever was going around in my head really. It was my place to express myself, a place I could write away without judgement. I'm glad I started blogging and I recommend it to anyone. Talking about our problems makes them seem so much more manageable. Plus getting it out of your head gives it less control over you. Now even I can see a difference by looking at my blog posts. I can see there is more to me than my health and I can safely say hand on heart, anxiety does not completely define me anymore!

Scream, the tv series!

It feels like forever since I've sat down and wrote, just blogged away so I'm back today. To share with you, my new found love for a TV series. Forget about Pretty Little Liars, Scream is completely blowing Pretty Little Liars out of the water...in my opinion anyway!

I'm still a fan of Pretty Little Liars, yes even after a slightly disappointing ending to the 'A' discovery. The excitement before the episodes soon started to drop, I stopped getting excited about them. I was going to cancel my Netflix membership since it had been left for a good few months without being used but I've since made a new discovery on there... SCREAM.

Let me tell you what I know about Scream...it's not an awful lot but I'll share it with you anyway. Scream is a TV series based on the movie Scream (I've never watched it, maybe I should do since I've been really enjoying the TV series). Netflix claims it to be a Netflix Original Series, but it was first aired over on MTV in America so I don't know anything about that but I do know is it is fantastic!


Four reasons why I've really enjoyed Scream so far...

1. It's a brilliant, fast paced TV series, every single episode left me wanting more. Thank you Netflix for not making me wait weeks for a new episode!

2. After 10 episodes (that's the whole first series on Netflix), you discover who the killer is...not after 100 of episodes, hours of wasted time. Even after the discovery you are still left questioning more behind the killers story and other characters involvement.

3. It's perfect rainy day, winter weather entertainment. Yes, get into your comfies, grab your duvet, blanket, snacks, drinks and watch the hell out of this series! The time I've spent watching this hasn't felt like wasted time at all.

4. Serious eye candy...eye candy that didn't get murdered. Hallelujah!

Not my photo, I found it on Google...seriously crushing over him right now!

If reason 4 doesn't make you want to get watching Scream, I really don't know what will! :P

Have you watched Scream? the movie or TV series? What do you think?

one year, twelve goals...October update

2015 is almost over, scary thought that another year has almost flown by.

I've finally found time to sit and blog, hoorayyyy!

Today/tonight, I'm going to look back over the past few months and see how much progress (or little progress) I've made with the goals I set at the beginning of the year for myself. *ppppssssssttt* if you click beginning of the year for myself it'll send you to the original post, as if by magic.

On with the post, goals and progress so far...

1. Meet atleast 3 online friends.
Jamie, Dave & Pep...3 friends met, goal complete! Read all about it if you like, over....here!

2. Attend one or more concerts.
Goal is complete, I've attended 2 (Olly Murs and The Vamps) oh, and a half. It would of been 3 and a half by the end of the year but I'm not going to see One Direction now, they just aren't the same as a four piece.



3. Save more money than I spend.
I'm getting there on this one, I'm questioning when I buy stuff a lot more now so that's progress, right?

4. Take a weekend break.
No, none booked either. I really want to go visit Jamie, Dave & Pep but London?! Oh, it scares me! Would it be very anxiety friendly? We'll see...one day.

5. Read one book every month.
I'd read 7 on my last update and since then I've read 3 more. I'm on track, 10 books read and we're currently in the tenth month of the year. I've read Beautiful Ever After by Katie Piper (read all about her books and what I think in the post I wrote here), Paper Towns by John Green (started off good but ended up being a little bit of a flump for me) and the most recent book I've read is Eeny Meeny by M.J. Arlidge (I finished this at about half 5 this morning when I woke up and couldn't sleep, I'll be blogging about this one without a doubt)!



6. Tackle the stigma surrounding mental health more.
Ongoing goal, speaking about it is certainly one of the ways I'm currently tackling it. Tomorrow at work I'm actually planning on having a chat with my boss about my mental health cos I'm struggling a little at the minute, honesty is the best policy right?

7. Drink more water.
Yeah, I'm doing this. More water, less fizzy pop.

8. Spread my blogging wings more.
I think my blogging wings are coming close to forgetting how to move. I'll try to change that though. I've got a few posts in my head for the next few weeks, it's just finding time to sit and waffle...I mean write, sit down and write them.

9. Keep my diary up to date.
What diary?..enough said.

10. Cook more meals.
No, not at all. Slightly failing.

11. Enquire more about braces.
The thought is still in my mind, it has been for a good couple of years now. I've found a private dentist that do invisalign so I'm thinking about booking an appointment for a chat. Have you seen invisalign? Seriously those things are amazing, if I did go down the invisalign route I'd without a doubt blog my way through it.

12. Move...more.
Ongoing goal. I've started doing blogilates, it's so much fun. Admittedly it makes you ache the next day or two but it's totally worth it.

small things that make a big difference to my mental health...

10th October 2015, officially world mental health day? In my opinion every day should be a day to raise awareness for mental health, we all have it. Some peoples are just a little different compared to others.

I'd seen the #smallthings on time to change and decided to jump on board, by sharing small things that make a big difference to my mental health, my life.


1. Skype, for the times when you can't spend time with people face to face, without a screen being between the two of you. Admittedly Skype is great but the one and only thing I have to slate about it is the connection. But once we've got over the connection issues it's great.

One person I'm forever Skyping or facetiming with is Jamie. Jamie has had such a huge impact on my life, she's honest, down to earth, bloody hilarious and genuine. Even though we don't know when we'll be seeing each other next, in real life that is...via screen it'll either be tonight or tomorrow at some point. But I love the fact that we both still make the effort to speak to each other.

Skype is the next best thing to being face to face in the same room together. Skype makes me feel like I can live my life which is miles away from Jamie but still allow Jamie to be a part of it. Even though I slated your connection skills Skype you are a life line for when I need to chat to my friends who aren't a quick car journey up the road.



2. Getting some fresh air, going for a walk. I've recently started working 3 full days at work and I make the effort to go for a walk on my dinner even if it is a quick 10/15 minute walk, those minutes outside in fresh air are priceless. When I'm not at work, or if I'm on a half day I'll go out for an hour long walk and take my camera with me to see what I can snap (another 20 photos of Pudding the dog? yeah pretty much, or the occasional tree/squirrel).


3.Talking and listening. I talk quite a lot, so it's no surprise that I don't keep my troubles to myself. If something is bothering me I will let someone know and that's good cos it isn't healthy keeping things bottled up. In the same breathe though yes talk to people but also listen. We all have troubles and problems. A quote I really like is 'a problem shared is a problem halved'. I couldn't agree more.

When I say talking makes a difference for me I'm sure it could make a difference for you too, it doesn't even have to be out loud. It could be via text, email, tweet, direct messages where ever...just communicate and don't suffer in silence.


Thanks to my new friend who I met on a social media course at the beginning of September, Greg. Thanks Greg for replying pretty quick on request to make me look cool and like I have friends for this photo for my post. :)


4. Reading a book. I'm not the fastest when it comes to reading books but it doesn't stop me from enjoying them. I love escaping my own thoughts and shutting them up with a good book. As far back as I can remember at night time I used to watch TV and couldn't sleep unless the TV was on but now I'm the opposite. Sometimes the TV being on when I'm in bed trying to get some sleep drives me potty. Now I like to read before bed, depending on how tired I am though I sometimes only manage a few pages...no wonder it takes me so long to read a book. I'd highly recommend the book I'm reading right now to you all. I've got two more of his books lined up to read next.



5. Watching something entertaining. I'm a sucker for watching a few TV programmes on MTV...ex on the beach, awkward, faking it, teen mom, are you the one? All of these don't involve having to concentrate too much, they are just purely entertaining. I've also recently discovered two new films that I really enjoy and are such easy watching. I did the whole rent the films online, like them so much, buy them on DVD. I highly recommend to you, 'man up' & 'two night stand'. If you haven't seen either of these then you my friend are missing out, watch them!


When I was younger I had a little obsession with watching toy story like every single night, I'd fall asleep within the first half an hour but that was beyond the point. I have a feeling these two films are going to be watched a lot in the upcoming weeks cos they are just so brilliant.


6. Accepting. I've learnt that accepting I have anxiety makes it so much easier to live with and manage. I've accepted the fact of it's always going to be a part of me and you know what, that's ok. It might resurface every now and then but that's ok too, I've got this. I can deal with it, one day at a time.


Those are my small things that make a big difference to my mental health, what small things make a difference to yours? Share them with me. :)

sharing my love for 'THE DUFF'

THE DUFF, a film that has recently been released on DVD and is an absolute must see in my eyes. Admittedly I absolutely hate buying a film on DVD at about £11, ridiculous! Once you've bought the DVD within a few weeks it tends to drop by almost half the price or it'll just disappear completely off the shelves, anyone else get annoyed by this? Plus how often would you watch a film more than once? THE DUFF is one of the films I'll be watching more than once (already watched it twice) and I'd quite happily watch it again tonight to be honest.

I've found a new way to watch films too. Instead of paying the high prices of the DVD I decided to give Amazon Instant Video a go. Basically you just pay for movies online, you can either buy or rent. If you rent you get it for a month (I think, don't hold me to it), but once you start watching it you've got to watch it within 48 hours. So to buy in the shop this film would of been £11, to rent it cost £3.49. In my eyes it is a no brainer for new films. After watching this film though and realizing I need it in my life I ended up paying £7 for the DVD, believe me it's worth it...


I'm not going to explain to you what the film is about, I'll just throw in the trailer instead.


THE DUFF is one of those films that you can sit, watch and actually enjoy without feeling like you've wasted an hour and a half of your life...yeah, we've all felt like that at some point whilst watching a film.

THE DUFF isn't one of those films, trust me.


THE DUFF is an absolute easy going, entertaining, lighthearted, funny film that everyone can probably relate to. THE DUFF ends happily, the whole film has a positive spin. I ended up jotting down some of the positive, true, relatable quotes from the film to share...


'we all have insecurities', we sure as hell do! Each and every single one of us.

'how about tonight you just worry about what you think about you', easier said than done but we really shouldn't worry about what others think of us. In all honesty in their mind they are probably worrying about what others think of them.

'there's always going to be someone prettier, more talented or richer than you. It shouldn't affect how you see yourself', too right...no, no it shouldn't.

'just don't tear me down for not giving a shit about your labels because in the end they're meaningless', absolutely! At the end of the day what do the labels actually mean? Nothing, we are all still pretty damn awesome!


The very last words spoken in the film are...
'in the end it's not about popularity or even getting the guy. It's about understanding that no matter what label is thrown your way, only you can define yourself. Take it from a duff'.


THE DUFF, a real break through film to make us all realize that no matter what labels are thrown at us, only we can define ourselves.

As if the film hadn't already won me over already it topped it off by playing The Vamps, somebody to you...I'm a sucker for them guys!

If you haven't watched it, watch it, watch it again, tell your friends, tell me what you think about it.

looking back over old blog posts, part two...

I never knew my previous blog posts would give me so much reassurance, reassurance that my life is getting better, that I'm doing something right.

Just over a year ago I created a post called looking back over old blog posts, part one... I kinda enjoyed it so I'm back for round two. Admittedly I just let my eyes shimmy across the posts until a sentence popped out and here we have this blog post creation! Looking back over old posts makes me cringe, looking at the layout, the way I created photos but to be honest that was clearly exactly how I wanted to create it back then so I can see all signs of improvement really.

It's been just over a month since I last sat down, typed some dribble and posted it. I think now it's time to create some more highly sophisticated (not gonna lie, my brain couldn't even spell sophisticated) ..ok, ok...waffle.

You want waffle? You've come to the right place. A place where the clue is in the name...'a whole lot of chitty chat'.

I've created some little quotey snaps to break this post up a little bit. I understand that some of the words are slightly faint but I wanted them to be that way because these are all words from my past. If you struggle to read them just zoom in a little bit more :) ...


Oh, you don't understand how much I wish this was the case but I'm sooooo, soooo, soooo glad I did the lessons and passed my test because now my life has changed and improved so much. Hello freedom, hello almost full time job! EEEEKKK & ARRRGGGHHH!!!

If you are feeling like the open road is far, far away in the future don't worry, it'll be here for you sooner than you realise, just keep moving forward.

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Once upon a time I was struggling to leave the house, now I struggle to stay in the flippin thing! I'm so grateful for these days now because I've had them taken away from me before and let's be honest, we never know what is around the corner. Anxiety, please play ball and don't appear so badly again. 

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I still go by this, take each day is it comes because some days will be harder than others but good days are always around the corner. I tend to live alot more in the now, don't worry too much about the future but hey, I live with anxiety...worry will always be a part of me.

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Always, always, always get back up again! What's the saying? Get knocked down seven times, stand up eight? Yes, do that!

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Absolutely 100% still go by this! Don't be so hard on yourself, nothing is perfect but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try your very best.

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If something works for someone but doesn't work for you, don't get down about it or defeated. Try another way, there will be a way to improve your life.

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I felt like I heard this a lot! 'You should' is two words that seem to add so much pressure. I'm sure I'm not the only one who's had a sentence said to them which starts with, you should...

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Ooooh, I do enjoy looking back over old things I've said, how I used to feel, how I used to see things.

I've also missed my little space on here too! I love just opening up a fresh post page and tapping away at the keys on my keyboard...I'm going to share a new movie on here soon. I'm not adding any pressure to myself, this blog is about expressing myself, having fun, enjoying life. Not hitting 'deadlines', scheduling posts. That just isn't me.

Inspirational reads, Katie Piper's books!

I don't fully remember when I first discovered Katie, I don't remember where I first heard about her but I now follow her on Twitter & Instagram to see what she's up to day to day (ok, maybe not day to day..I'm not online that much)...but that's what social media is for right? Keeping in the loop, being able to interact with people.

Every now and then when I decide to approach people to share my blog, to raise more awareness for mental health. Katie has always been one who I approach and she always retweets, thanks Katie! (saying that like she'll be reading this, hey...you never know)!

I use my blog to help others, to share things I love and Katie's books fall under both them titles. They can help you and you will love them (I know I do)!


Katie is known to most people as the girl who cruelly got acid thrown in her face. But Katie has gone on to prove she is a whole lot more than that. Not only is Katie a fighter, she is a down to earth woman. The attack hasn't stopped Katie from going on to live a full life, I can't even begin to imagine how tough that must be but look at that lady go! She is now a mother, soon to be a wife, founder of her own charity. Katie inspires me. If the world was filled with more Katies the world would be a much better place.


I remember reading Katie's first book, 'Beautiful'. It actually took me a good few weeks to pick up the book and read it (past the first few pages). I couldn't actually bring myself to read her story, the horrific details, the terrifying events but I'm so glad I decided to eventually read Katie's first book, I'm also very glad she decided to share her story and write books to help others.

During Katie's books I feel you can connect with her, relate to her, understand her, sympathize with her. Her life, her attitude, her story is without a doubt inspiring. Throughout her books you can really begin to understand Katie, to see exactly what she has been through. You discover the behind the scenes almost of Katie's journey. You hear all about the highs and lows, the ups and downs, the victories and the setbacks. Katie's books are honest, heartbreaking and heartwarming. I seriously recommend them all.


I'll give you a tiny bit of info on each book...

'Beautiful' is Katie's first book, telling her story. In the book she shares tales and the odd photos thrown in too. Life before the attack and a little after if I remember rightly.

'Things Get Better' is more of a self help book, to make people feel less alone and make us know there is support out there for us all and it is possible for us all to recover from whatever life throws at us.

'Start Your Day With Katie', every day of the year you can open this book up to a new quote. I don't use this as often as I should but it is definitely a must if you're a lover of quotes and positive thinking.

'Beautiful Ever After' is Katie's most recent book that I finished a couple of weeks ago now. Beautiful Ever After shows Katie share her story of life after the attack. The story of rebuilding her life and everything happening up to recently.


If you can't tell already I highly recommend Katie' books and I think she is an ordinary lady doing extremely incredible things. Keep going Katie, you rock! 

p.s. have you read any of her books? which do you like best? if you haven't read any yet, you should totally should check out her books and send her some love! X

the big 'A' reveal...

Pretty Little Liars has just shared with us all this seasons summer finale, finally after 131 episodes (fyi, I checked on Netflix whilst I was writing this) we finally know who 'A' is...

Image taken from the official Pretty Little Liars Instagram page

I've left it a good couple of days for this episode and reveal to sink in before I sat down to write about my thoughts and feelings towards the whole reveal, the whole episode (it made me cry a little, not the story behind A but the girls all parting and saying goodbye).

I'd had my own thoughts and theories running up to the big reveal and there was plenty flying around the internet too, but none prepared me for this episode and discovery.

After not knowing the identity of A for so long, I really wasn't ready to find out who was behind the character. I wasn't ready to put a face to the disturbed creature. In all honesty I wasn't sure I even wanted to know who A was. I was quite happy living in the unknown, being completely unaware of the person behind it. I had built so much of an expectation in my head that I didn't feel anyone could fill it.

Unfortunately I'm sad and disappointed to discover the identity of A. It wasn't who I'd expected it to be. I expected it to be someone who had played a big part in the whole six series, not just someone who had appeared a handful of times. Even though I had guessed Sara was a part of 'the A team', I'm still left questioning why? Why is she both red coat and the black widow? It doesn't make sense, is it even meant to make sense? What reason does Sara have to be a part of it?

I'm still convinced that CeCe isn't really A, maybe they just want us to think she is A...yeah, her story checks out but I'm still left questioning it. Surely there is more than just CeCe & Sara behind all this, I'm convinced there is!

Plus five years down the line who is 'he'? Who has come back for Ali? I'm not even going to try to guess, how about you?

Pretty Little Liars, my thoughts and theories...

I remember when Pretty Little Liars was first aired here in the UK, about 4 years ago on VIVA. It then got moved over onto MTV but soon it just disappeared. I was gutted, I love the excitement and edge that Pretty Little Liars has. The next few months/year was spent searching for episodes online.

Fast forward to my discovery of it now being on Netflix, YEESSSSSSSSSS!!!! I wasn't subscribed to Netflix before but once I knew about Pretty Little Liars being on there I just had to subscribe, no doubt about it.

MTV stopped showing Pretty Little Liars at the end of series 2 if I remember rightly so I had a lot of catching up to do. Luckily I've been caught up for a while now, after many marathons (I even created a post about watching it too much) and just have the weekly one to watch.

If you don't actually watch Pretty Little Liars maybe I should fill you in a little bit. Ally, I'm looking at you for not knowing about Pretty Little Liars...girl you are missing out! Pretty Little Liars is an American tv programme. Five high school friends, one goes missing, then found dead. But is she really dead? Is she really missing? The girls start to receive messages from an anonymous character A. I don't really know what else to say about it, that is pretty much it. More things happen over time but that is the basics of it and how the story started.

Everyone seems hooked on it, addicted. It is worth the hype surrounding it.

The summer finale is just around the corner, just over a week away! Finally after six whole series we are finally going to come fAcetoface with A! (click the link, I've linked the promo video). I mean, I'm not holding my breath on this one. Will we find out who A is? Will we not? Who knows.

In the meantime I've created a list...


The question on every viewers lips, Who is A? Does A stand for anonymous? Is it the first letter of the characters name? Or just the first letter of the alphabet?

Who is red coat? Up until red coat appearing on the scene, a red coat was just an outdoor item of clothing...now it has a whole new creepy, spooky meaning.

Who is / who are the black hooded figure(s)?! There has got to be more than one person in this team. Oh my gosh, brain wave...what if it's all the parents?! Now, that would well and truly turn it around.

Who is Reece Matthews? Who is Clark? These two characters seem to have recently appeared but still seem to have a big part in 'A's game. They are certainly involved in some way, or so it seems.

Who is Sara? Was she actually in 'that place' for all them years? Is she part of the A team? I've got a funny feeling she hasn't been locked away in 'that place' for all them years, I've got a feeling she has some involvement with A. It's all a big game to A so I wouldn't be surprised if this is the case.

Is Maya (Emily's ex girlfriend) really dead? They think they found a body. They also thought they found Alison's body, look how that turned out.

Who on earth is Freddie in the home movie? He was in one of the recent home movies shown, the clip was meant to show us a look into 'Charle's' childhood years but instead I think it might have opened up more clues. Charles is Freddie? Freddie is Charles? Who knows?!

A is for Aria? I've seen this theory floating around the internet a little while, the only reason I can think people are even suggesting this is because her name begins with A? I don't know...what do you think?

Is Mrs DiLaurentis really dead? I'm not overly convinced on this one neither, especially since we thought Ali was dead for a few series too.

Where has Jenna, Paige, Melissa, Wren, Lucas, Noel, Ian...everyone who has ever appeared actually disappeared to? Even when characters get 'killed' off I'm not convinced, this is Pretty Little Liars...anything can happen!

What's happened to every single character ever? I'm convinced every character that was once part of the show is now in the A team...that way I must get it right? I mean it's got to be one of them, surely!

Maybe, the 'A team' is made up of all the girls ex boyfriends, ex flames, ex friends, their enemies...


Pretty Little Liars gets my head in a spin but I absolutely love it! 

What are your thoughts and theories? Share them with me please, I wanna know what you think! There is only one way for me to sign this post off...

- A

p.s. note to self, this is only a programme...don't get yourself too attached or involved...a little too late? ;)

so, you're not the same as everyone else? here's a secret...I'm not either :)

We are humans, not robots. We aren't programmed to act a certain way, we have a mixture of emotions, feelings, life experiences.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who worries and thinks about life...A LOT!  I worry where my life is currently at, where it's heading. But it's ok, I'm not programmed a certain way, I don't have to be the same as others. Nobodies life is set out a certain way, we all live different lives. What is normal for one, isn't normal for another. I keep reminding myself that and I think you should too.

I'm 23 and have only just managed to keep a job that I really enjoy with routine, purpose, structure, meaning. Some people might have been in work since they were 17, I don't know but does that matter? No, what matters to me is my life. I'm not working full time but I'm working, that is improvement and an achievement in itself after what I've managed to come through.

I've never drunk alcohol, unless you class the time I tried wine and spat it straight back into the glass (yes, I'm very elegant). So I've never been drunk. I personally think it's a waste of time and money, life is too short. I'd much rather spend money enjoying something I'm going to remember or buying something that I can keep and reuse. What do you get from alcohol? A foggy memory? A wasted next day? A banging head ache? Sick in the toilet the next morning? A stranger in your bed? A regretted night? I don't know...I'm just guessing a few things you might get. I'm sure you could get worse too.

I'm single, should that really have such a judgement surrounding it? I don't think so. But for some reason it isn't ok to be single, you must always be on the hunt for love, hunting for the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. Should this be the case? Personally I don't think so but that's just my opinion.

Remember, not everyone goes through the same stuff, the same phases, the same life experiences. We all live different lives, some of our lives might be similar but without a doubt a little element of your life will be different to someone elses.

If you're reading this, I want you to stop being so hard on yourself. Stop comparing yourself to others. Live your life the best you can, you're doing a great job! X

one year, twelve goals...half way there!

At the beginning of the year I created a list of twelve things I'd like to achieve by the end of 2015. If you want to see the original post then you can do so by clicking here (I'm going to recap them all again in here but hey ho...whatever floats your boat my friend) and if you fancy reading my last update in March then be my guest, pick me.

I'm enjoying checking back on my goals and seeing how far I've come in the past few months, in this case the past six months...how on earth are we half way through the year already?

Let's get this show on the road?

1. Meet atleast 3 online friends.
If you don't follow me on instagram then you probably won't know but if you do follow me, oops for all the spam! I still can't believe I've met an online friend from so far away! I'm classing these 3 as my 3 online friends...so woo hoo, one goal complete!


What was that? You want to hear allllll about it? Of course I've blogged about it, right....here!

2. Attend one or more concerts.
Concerts attended this year, a grand total of two and a half. Yes, a half. I went for the majority of a Boyzone concert, got really bad stomach ache went and laid in the car. But let's not focus on the crappyness of that! I sang and danced away at two very different concerts, in two very different environments. I'm a more outdoors kind of girl, don't put me in a crowded indoor place...not a big fan. I've blogged about both concerts, Olly Murs and The Vamps. (a little birdy tells me by clicking their names you'll get to those posts)...


3. Save more money than I spend.
*swiftly moves on*

4. Take a weekend break.
None taken, none booked, none being looked at.

5. Read one book every month.
Just over half way through the year and I've read a total of seven books. Recent ones I've read are 'If I Stay', 'Where She Went', 'Just One Day' and 'Just One Year', all written by Gayle Forman. I'm not overly impressed with them and in all honesty I won't be rushing to buy anymore of her books, each book has a second book to it. So two stories, over four books. I bought them and it seemed a waste not to read them and see if they improved. I can't seem to connect fully with the stories, I can't get lost in her books. I don't feel the excitement to pick up the book, I'm not left thinking about it or reading until I can't keep my eyes open for a single second.

6. Tackle the stigma surrounding mental health more.
Ongoing, ongoing, ongoing. I feel like I'm in a battle between wanting to raise awareness but not wanting to be fully known or judged by it (that's the stigma for ya)...does that make sense? Honestly, there is a heck of a lot more to me than my mental health.

7. Drink more water.
I'm drinking a lot more than I used to. I've started buying big bottled water packs in the supermarket instead of a diet coke, so that is progress in itself.

8. Spread my blogging wings a little more.
Spreading my blogging wings is blogging about other things other than mental health, you know like life, friends, concerts, nail polish... *ppppssstttt* the nail polish one tells you about my latest favourite and I highly recommend it. You can look through the archive for other posts I've spreaded ( that is a word, yes? no?) my wings with, if you want to that is.


9. Keep my diary up to date.
I'm getting better at this, I'll probably be fully caught up and organised by the time December comes around then I can start all over again.

10. Cook more meals.
Hmmmm, can't think of anything recently that I've cooked. Quick and easy shepherds pie is one of my favourites, the nicest I've ever eaten. With lambs mince, carrots, peas, onions, Worcestershire sauce and garlic bread...let me know if you wanna hear about that. 

11. Enquire more about braces.
I enquired, haven't been to the dentists yet...I'm due a check up in the next few months. But unfortunately I still haven't won the lottery so I don't think I'll be spending almost £3,000 on braces...I don't have that kind of money.

12. Move...more.
I'm always on the go, unless I'm sat at my desk at work or sat blogging or sat watching tv or in the bath. Ok, maybe not always...most of the time? I've been for the occasional run, trying to make it a regular thing...watch this space. Trying is better than not trying though, right?