anxiety does not define me...anymore!

I'm not going to lie and say it never completely defined me, for a few years it did. I used to really avoid things because I'd feel anxious. I'd let the feeling control me. I'd feel anxious most days, feeling normal was no longer a feeling for me. The new 'normal' was feeling sick and having panic attacks on a regular basis, that normal wasn't a feeling I wanted to stick around. Thankfully over the years that feeling has gradually disappeared. I don't remember an exact day when I began to feel anxious so much and I also don't remember when I started to feel less anxious.

I spent a good few years feeling completely defined by anxiety, like there was nothing else to me. Like I had nothing about me, feeling sick and panic attacks were taking over. I wanted so much to have a 'normal' life, normal is so different for everyone. I wanted to be able to leave the house without that sick feeling or the panic lurking ready to pounce. I wanted so badly to do things that others took for granted.

Things didn't get easier for me by choice, the feelings didn't just disappear by sitting around and hoping they'd go away. Things got easier because I pushed myself, little things at a time. I'd gone from being pretty independent to an extremely nervous, anxious person. I rebuilt myself and my life.

Overtime I eventually realized that there is so much more to me than my illness. Anxiety is going to be a part of me for all my life I'm guessing. It'll come and go, thankfully now it stays away for a lot more than it stays. Anxiety, let's stay that way please.

I began blogging as an escape, from my own thoughts but all I could seem to write about was my health, my troubles, my worries, whatever was going around in my head really. It was my place to express myself, a place I could write away without judgement. I'm glad I started blogging and I recommend it to anyone. Talking about our problems makes them seem so much more manageable. Plus getting it out of your head gives it less control over you. Now even I can see a difference by looking at my blog posts. I can see there is more to me than my health and I can safely say hand on heart, anxiety does not completely define me anymore!