thoughts, thoughts, thoughts...swimming around my head

Over the past couple of days my mind has been having some kind of never ending merry-go-round going on in there. I'm struggling to see the future in a positive light at the minute. But you know what, that is part of life. Sometimes life will be down and there will be no reason behind it. You know what you've got to do though...

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I'm taking each day as it comes and reminding myself that each day is a new start, filled with wonderful little things that will put a smile on my face.

My main way of expressing myself is through writing. Hey, I'm not saying I'm good at it but it helps ease my thoughts and calms them down a little since I'm acknowledging them. Ignoring them doesn't seem to help matters, it just gets me more and more annoyed. So it's time to express myself.

At the minute my various thoughts that are swimming around in my head are...

"Am I a shitty person?". This is the one that is bothering me the most. Friends seem to come and go, randomly one minute we are fine and the next we aren't. That's life though, I guess. I'm hoping it's nothing to do with me as a person, I guess sometimes friendships just don't work out.

"Will I ever be able to go on holiday again?". I see people sharing their holiday photos and I just find myself thinking 'no, no, I can't do that...how do they do it?'. But then I remind myself at one point I struggled to leave the house, looking back over how far I've come gives me faith that one day I will be able to go on holiday again. A little break beside the sea would be lovely.

"Will I forever be alone?". That sounds really dramatic but hey, the thoughts are working overtime. I've not had a boyfriend for about 7 years now. I don't want to go on any kind of dating app, I just feel like people have so much choices for finding love, or finding a quick shag. What happens if I meet someone, they get bored and end up searching for someone else? Let's be honest, finding someone else in this world we live in right now wouldn't be hard. Internet connection and you're good to go.

"I'm quite happy being on my own, is that a bad thing?" Seeing people in relationships or looking for love makes me question myself. I'm quite happy with just being by myself. Is that a bad thing? Does it make me weird? Weird that I'm not settling down, with a house and a kid? I'm not exactly raving it up getting drunk on the weekends, sleeping with anything with a pulse. I'm just being me, doing what I enjoy and looking after myself.

*exhales*... Just writing all that out has lifted a weight of my chest. Now it's time to go and watch some Netflix...Scream and Pretty Little Liars, I'm coming for you!