Anxiety lately...

Anxiety, you are weird. Sometimes in a little way, sometimes in a rather large way depending on what kind of day it is? I honestly don't know. Either way you are downright strange. I understand you are there to protect us, to make us aware of danger but sometimes there really is no need for you.

I'm being serious, sometimes you just aren't welcome.

I'm talking about when you are with me during my working day or when you're with me when I'm at home chilling. I'm talking about the other week when I was driving to work, feeling like a failure and I just burst into tears and turned back around. (I did later make it back into work and continued fairly normal). I'm talking about when you feel the need to make me worry about every physical sensation, the digestive system, every normal bodily function isn't a threat. So let's not treat it like one and we will get on just fine.

One minute I think I'm understanding you and the next thing you're making me question if I actually do really know you at all. I thought we was working as a team and were pretty understanding. We were getting along just fine until lately.

You're making me fear things that don't need to be feared, you know going to work isn't exactly scarily dangerous. I work with wonderful people who try their best to understand my mental illness but it's proving a little tricky to explain when I don't even know why you are like it myself some days.

Anxiety, lately you are a mystery.

One day I can manage things fine and then bam, not so fine anymore. A few times recently I've managed to get to work and then bam, something happens/hits me and I'm rushing home as fast as possibly can.

Anxiety, what is your problem?

You're making downtime a struggle, I'm talking about going to football. I've been going for over a year now but every now and then you like to make it difficult, why? I sit there so on edge, so uneasy, running through my mind 'do I really need to go to the loo now?', 'am I going to become ill and not manage to make it home?' 'what if we get stuck in traffic?' 'what if we break down on the way home and it takes someone hours to come and save us?' 'what if I'm ill in that time?' 'what if I throw up here?' 'what if I really need to go to the loo and there is a massive que?' 'what if I become seriously ill here?'.

Anxiety, you really are weird. But you know what, it's ok to feel anxious. It's ok to cry. It's ok to break down. It's ok to not be ok.

Of course, it is also absolutely ok to cry and share your troubles with someone who can't answer you back...

Hope you've all had a good day, if you haven't that's ok. Try again for a better day tomorrow.