monthly movie - sex tape

*rewinds time a couple of weeks back* yes, yes...we are still in September!

 

Ok, you've got me...we aren't but let's pretend we are?

 

The last time I went to the cinema was at the end of August when I watched what if...that feels like such a long time ago now though! So much has happened since then, it's crazzyyyyy!

This time last week (I started writing this last Wednesday...it's now Monday, oooppss!) I went to the cinema again...shocking news to add in here, I didn't go on my own! :O I went with my lovely friend Rachel. A little story for you now...we had wanted to go watch sex tape since the day it was released (it wasn't long after what if, if I remember rightly) but we managed to go & watch it the day before it was no longer showing at the cinema near to us. We had the choice of 4:45 or 9:15, Rachel has a husband & kids so we opted for the 9:15 showing...even though it was very close to our bedtimes haha. Orange Wednesday is always the way forward at the cinema so we decided one of us would pay for snacks & drinks, the other for the tickets. Rachel paid for the snacks & drinks first then I paid the tickets...expect the cinema had to cancel that screening....gutted, wasn't the word! So we decided to go for another film, what we did on our holiday...or something along those lines. On our way to the screen the film was being showed in a lot of people were coming out of a screen (the screen where sex tape was meant to be, but had been cancelled cos of a live show...the live show had actually finished before sex tape was meant to show). We went into the screen where the film (the holiday one) was 5 or 10 minutes in & to be honest we just wasn't really feeling the film at all. It had a more tv programme vibe to it than a movie vibe so I disappeared 'to the toilet', I didn't go to the toilet at all...I went to the main part of the cinema where you pay & get food & drink from, to see if there was any chance they could give us some kind of offer for the next day (the last day they were showing sex tape), the lovely lady phoned up the main man/woman of the cinema & explained the situation. The last words that came out of her month were...'screen 4, 5 minutes...there going to put it on for you'...well I seriously couldn't thank them enough & I couldn't run quick enough to tell Rachel neither! We both hurried along into screen 4 & got comfy ready for the film to start! WOW, sorry...that really wasn't a little story!

Have you seen the trailer for sex tape?

No, no, no...no you haven't?! STOP RIGHT THERE!!!

Have you watched the trailer?

you may continue now...

I'd been told that this film had got bad reviews but I didn't let that stop me watching it, you can't really let that stop you cos everybodys taste in movies is different. But in my opinion...

Sex tape is one of those films where you are sat watching it & when it ends you don't realise you've been sat there for like an hour and a half. I loved the whole story being based around 'the cloud' (iCloud)..."nobody understands the cloud, it's a f**king mystery!". Absolutely hilarious!

Would I recommend the film to you? Yes, yes I would! If you want to watch a comedy this one is a must see.

Have you seen any new films recently?

I'm wanting/hoping to go & see gone girl, I'm still reading the book...three weeks down the line? :/ I'm not a fast reader!

 

♥

Sunday sharing...ed sheeran album, x deluxe edition & another achievement?!

WHAT?!?! THE WEEKEND IS OVER!!!

 

The weekend wouldn't be complete without me sharing something with you today, I've only just created this series but in the same breathe it feels like I've done it for ages...slightly weird? :/ mmm, anyway...

 

I'm only sharing one thing with you today, well one item...I'm also sharing an achievement with you too.

 

An album I've been loving for the past few months, well since it came out really...don't remember when it was released but I don't regret buying this album at all!

 

 

 ED SHEERAN X DELUXE EDITION , this is without a doubt my driving soundtrack right now. Ed Sheeran is such an incredibly talented artist. I have a lot of love for him & his music, come to think of it though now...I'm not sure if I follow him on twitter, shock horror?!

 

There is without a doubt a fair few songs on this album for you to look out for. I just love Ed's voice & how his songs are so relatable & genuine too. Have you heard his latest single? 'thinking out loud'...the video is beautiful, I'm going to add the youtube video in for it so you can have a little listen (just incase you haven't heard of ed or this song...where have you been hiding?!)

 

 

♥

 

Next part of this post, I've achieved something else this week! Back in June or July, I can't remember which month now I had attempted to attend a bloggers meet up. I managed to drive all the way to the town it was being held in, turned into a side road cos I was beginning to panic & just burst into tears...that trip ended quickly as I turned back round & came straight back home. But yesterday afternoon I was going to go to the same town with my godmum & I decided it would be a good idea for me to try again...cut a story short, I bloomin' well did it! All the way there, through the town, into the car park & all the way home! Ooooh yessss! I'm so proud of myself for doing it.

 

I'm also really proud of myself for managing to shop a little too, even though I did start having a panic attack in h&m. I stayed with it & it eventually eased. My thought pattern is certainly improving because as soon as I used to panic my automatic response was 'I need to get home now'. But not nomore, that wasn't my response yesterday & it wasn't my response at work on Thursday neither.

 

Things are improving guys, it's fantastic! I'm so pleased.

 

♥

world mental health day

 

 

Today is world mental health day, so I thought I'd put together a little post. A little post to share some places with you, use them as you like...to get support if you need it...to share with someone who might be suffering...to get an understanding of mental health...to speak to someone if you are feeling alone.

 

Mind

 

Time To Change

 

Samaritans 

 

♥

The scariest part of mental health is that anyone can suffer, no matter how rich you are, no matter how famous you are, no matter how successful you are, no matter how popular you are, no matter how confident you are...literally anyone can be affected by mental health problems.

We can't all possibly be fully understanding of every possible mental health problem out there but we can sure as hell try to get more of an understanding & be supportive of others.

One piece of advice I'd give to someone suffering is to speak out, please don't suffer in silence. You don't necessarily have to speak to someone you know...Samaritans can be there if you need them. People online can also be extremely supportive too (in my opinion). You could even set up a blog, you don't have to blog publically...you can remain anonymous. Amy is a fabulous example of this! I've a lot of love & respect for Amy.

Blogging has without a doubt helped me, from the days of starting out blogging with nobody reading them up til now. I can tell such a difference in myself over the past few years, my mental health has improved so much. Blogging has given me such a focus in life, it is now a hobby of mine.

♥

I've seen a few videos floating around today for world mental health day, this is my contribution...in written form instead of video form.

Just want to state, I'm not a professional in anyway...I'm just a girl living with a mental health problem.

what goes up must come down & that's ok!

If you can't tell by the name, something happened yesterday & I'm here to share it with you because you know what...mental health is something that is ok & it is absolutely fine to talk about it, be open & honest. Let's make this world a little easier & bash the stigma on its nasty head.

 

Yesterday I had work & the night before I didn't feel overly great, a temperature & a little bit of a funny head. I was in two minds about going to work but I powered on. I'm starting to think those feelings were part of my anxiety. Yesterday my shift was 11 til 3, I always turn up about 5 or 10 minutes before hand...so I went upstairs in the staff room to take my coat & scarf off and to put away my bag in a locker. I was alone, what happened next?

 

I just burst straight in to tears, my automatic thought in my head at that time was "I can't do this, this is too much". Maybe 15 minutes later after a few more tears, racing heart & an nasty sick feeling...I was absolutely fine & sat explaining a little bit more to the deputy manager. The only two people who knew about my little friends (anxiety & panic) weren't in work yesterday so nobody knew. I explained to my deputy manager afterwards & she was absolutely lovely, really understanding, caring & wanted me to tell her a little bit more about it. Seriously can't thank her enough for being the way she is, cos if she wasn't so accepting it would made it even harder.

 

Once the feelings had passed & I'd spoke to my deputy manager I was ready to go again. I managed the full shift with no problems at all. My high temperature had gone & so had the funny head...I wonder if that was all linked, who knows?

 

The whole point of this post was to just share the story with you, to prove that yes sometimes things go downhill but that is absolutely fine. Don't be scared of it happening, just accept it cos it is ok for it to happen. It's ok to talk to people too, sharing my feelings & thoughts always makes me feel so much better. Always remember aswell, what goes up must come down...but also what goes down must also come back up again. ♥

a massive achievement for me...

In life different things happen to different people. Things happen that form you into the person you are today. Sometimes it breaks you, sometimes it completely destroys you, sometimes it makes you hit rock bottom, sometimes it makes you stronger, sometimes it makes you re-evaluate what is important in life, what matters & what really doesn't.

 

Over the past two years I've seen a noticeable change & have experienced myself grow so much as a person. No two peoples lives are the same, not everybody experiences everything somebody else might. Not everyone will struggle with their mental health in their teens/early twenties. But some people will, I was one of those people. Over the past four years I've learnt how to deal with my anxiety & panic attacks. I haven't been bothered about relationships, going out getting drunk, finding a job to work every day of the week every hour given. I've been so wrapped up in my anxiety & panic attacks, they had a very tight grasp around me. Luckily now I've wiggled my way out of it's control, now I'm in control.

 

Looking back over the past four years I remember so much...attending doctors appointments completely unaware what was going off, struggling to stay in the waiting room of the doctors surgery, crying to myself just wanting to feel better, comparing my life to others, wishing I could just be normal & do normal things, wishing people would understand, attending therapy sessions, attempting to go out & it ending within minutes of arriving cos I just had to get home, walking into a shop & rushing back out the exit as soon as I could, not leaving the house without mints or soothers, walking back & forth to the nearest bus stop & not being able to get on the bus, getting into my parents shop & being hit by an unknown wave of fear & panic, not being able to go into town during the day, staying well & truly in my comfort zone (my house), thinking I'd never be able to get a job, fearing never being able to drive, fearing never being able to be independent.

But today I want to just share what I've managed to do over the past four years...that I didn't think I'd be able to do, things that I doubted I'd be able to do again...

Drive...I managed to do driving lessons, pass my theory test, pass my driving test & I'm still driving on my own now. Independent? Yes, yes I am.

Work...I started working for my parents which was a casual thing, just as and when, no pressure if I wasn't feeling up to it. I still remember at the beginning when I couldn't manage to work though, I couldn't even stay in the shop let alone work... the feelings of panic & fear were so strong. My mum would drive me home, sometimes I'd just get home & burst into tears...both out of sadness & frustration. But a little voice in the back of my head kept reminding me to try again, there is always time to try again. I guess really I just kept working at it & managed to do it. Now I've managed to help at a few other local shops, yet nobody has given me a contract. But...WAIT! Now I have a contract! It's official, I'm working for someone other than my parents!

This photo captures something that means so much to me. It's something so simple to some, but such a massive deal for me!

It makes me feel like part of a team, part of a unit, part of something...somewhere I can now belong & call my own little work place. Not only does it make me feel part of something, I'm also wearing it like a medal. A medal, proof that things can change, things do eventually work out, things really can happen. Don't ever give up on something, ever! The girl writing this & wearing her lanyard (totally called lanyard right?) is the same girl who at one point struggled to leave the house, remember that. You can do whatever you put your mind to, it just might take some time.

I'm not working in an office neither which I thought I'd be wanting to do, when I left school I just knew I liked computers. But now I have an absolute love for blogging, I feel like blogging has replaced my urge to work in an office on a computer. After working in my parents shop though I discovered that I enjoyed working with people..customers. There is so many interesting characters out there, I absolutely love it! I love chatting away to people too, so I mean what better kind of job for me than shop work. I don't think it's a secret neither that I love clothes so could there be a better job for me right now? I think not!

I can leave the house on my own, at one point I couldn't. I got to a point of not wanting to go out, getting to a point of having enough of going out & coming straight back home...I got to a point where I just gave up attempting to go out, becoming slightly housebound I'd say. I got to a point of automatically just saying no if I was asked out.

I can dog walk a lot further...I used to do the same route of dog walk to try & get back home as soon as I could. The odd times I'd feel so sick that I'd start to run so I could get home quicker. Now I don't do the same route, I can walk further, without having to worry about how long it would take me to get home...how quick I could get home, what route I would take.

I don't take mints & soothers out with me now...sounds slightly random but I genuinely couldn't do this. Mints and soothers were my safety behaviour, but not anymore. I don't check my bag or pockets to make sure I have any of them (yes I used to).

 

 

I'm going to leave it at that. Remember that you can always achieve what you put your mind to, yes it will take some time & an achievement is an achievement, no matter how big or small it is on the scale.

 

Have you achieved something recently?

Let me know, maybe?   :)  ♥

 

Sunday sharing...Barry M, glitterati 'fashion icon'

Ok, so maybe Sunday sharing will become more than a one off kind of post. I'm here again to ramble on...oh yeah! I'm going to share with you my love for Barry M's latest collection glitterati nail paint, today it's only going to be fashion icon since that is what I'm currently wearing & absolutely loving! Every time I look down at my nails I feel all happy inside. I was really well behaved & only bought one (read I totally didn't just behave & buy one, I bought the whole collection!)...

 

 

Since I've just started a new job in retail I was drew in by this one so yes, the rest is history! Now to share it...

 

 

Anything with sparkle makes life so much more happier, well I like to think so anyway. So when I saw the glitterati collection I just had to pick up one to try the whole collection, of course...boots have an offer on, just as a heads up! Who doesn't love an offer.

 

 

I'm no nail artist or pro in anyway, so please excuse the state of my painting! I'm pretty sure the glitterati paints are meant to go on top of a coloured base so I chose the classic paint, called Bright Purple.

 

 

In a way I feel like the photos make it look like the glitterati is more blue than purple but I think it is more purple, well it is as I'm typing this but get it in another light it looks blue. Nails with two different tones, we are on to a winner! :)

 

I absolutely LOVE it! I'm not usually a fan of purple nails but purple nails with glitter, I'm up for that!

 

Nothing else to share now, just wanted to share my love for this new paint with you...job done!

 

I'll be back shortly to create a post that will hopefully give someone hope & be proof that things can get better, they will get better. ♥

what I wore...to an 'interview' + I'm still in shock!!!

Still can't believe I actually have a job now, it all feels a little more real now since yesterday I had my induction...watching various dvds on health and safety, customers with disabilities & fire...answering questions in work booklets too. It's so crazy actually being back in the exact place I did my work experience eight years ago...EIGHT FLIPPIN' YEARS!!! Other than a few changes in staff nothing has changed at all, I have a very good feeling that I'm going to love it! (currently got the song from Annie going round in my head, you know when she gets adopted...can't get the lyrics right though so I wont attempt to sing it). What I'm not loving so much is the fact of it is a 4 hour contract, does that mean I'll only be working 4 hours every week?

 

After four years of being unsuccessful & struggling with my health, it still feels weird that someone other than my parents are allowing me to work for them. I'm going to feel like such a part of the team (well I hope I am anyway)! My contract is only 4 hours, but atleast I have my foot in the door. We can only hope it will increase but in the meantime I'll just ease myself in gradually.

 

Finding time to sit & blog seems to be a little bit of trouble at the minute, but tonight I'm going to throw together (I mean throw together in the nicest way possible!) an outfit post. I'm going to share with you what I wore for my 'interview' that wasn't really an interview more like a casual chat in the end.

 

Up until the Sunday before I didn't own a black dress, not a single one...I'm not even kidding you neither. So on the Sunday me & Tilly (my car) tootled off on our way on the hunt for a simple black dress. It wasn't as simple as I thought it would be! My mum was trying to get me to wear trousers for the interview, I went along with it but I ended up returning them beforehand because I'm just not a trouser wearer...at all! I think I've maybe worn them three or four times max since I've left school. Anyway, black dress mission....complete!

 

I managed to get 3 dresses, 2 black & 1 grey flecked kind of dress! The dress I wore on the day was from Asda & was an absolute bargain & is gorgeous too! Want to see it online? Let me have a look...I've found it...G21 Lace Sleeve Dress

 

Oooh, we've gone far too long without any pictures...I'll get adding them now!

 

The dress is kind of smock fitting, which can work really well but sometimes can make me look very frumpy (well feel it anyway) so I decided to just add one of my little tan belts to add some shape.

 

 

I wasn't planning on wearing a coat or thing to cover my arms at all so I decided to throw a scarf on. This scarf is a recent purchase from Matalan. It really brightened my outfit up a little (yes it is possible for grey to brighten up an outfit)!

 

I absolutely love the lace sleeves! Here, check them out for yourself...they really do make the dress simple yet stylish.

 

 

I wore my dress with a pair of black tights, I think they were my 100 denier tights from Matalan...I bloomin' love that place! I actually based my outfit around my boots.

 

I was thinking about creating a post separate for the boots themselves but I don't really think I will...totally just wrote that but I'm now thinking of ways I'll put the post together so maybe that will be created!

 

 In the meantime I'll just add a little sneaky peak of them in here but not mention where they are from or nothing...my lips are sealed! ;)

 

 

I don't think I've fallen in love with a pair of shoes as much as I have with these & my other new Chelsea boots!

 

Of course for an interview you need to have a smart looking handbag...until a few days before I didn't own one but I went for this one from Matalan.

 

 

The bag is available in both this colour & a grey. It can be found online here & is on offer at the minute. I'm pretty sure it is available in black too. The only thing I don't like about it is when I have it over my shoulder (my right one..do left handed people put theirs over their left shoulder? :/ mmmm, let me know?!) the zip isn't at the front next to me so it is an absolute cow to pop things in & out when I'm out & about. The sizing is great though.

 

I wore no jewellery other than a watch. Watches are in the jewellery section but are they classed as jewellery? Hmmm, I seem to have a few questions tonight.

 

 

Once I'd snapped these few photos I head out the door & to the 'interview'. I went to see my friend afterwards & she snapped this photo for me.

 

 

I love it!

 

If I had to caption it, it would more than likely be 'jumping for joy'!

 

Ok, I think I've done enough chitty chatting in this post. I'm going to head off to paint my nails. Watch this space, I may share my opinion with you on a few of Barry M's new releases.

 

If you are still here, thanks for reading!

♥