my twenty third birthday in photos.

Oh, just saying that I'm twenty three makes me cringe & sad both at the same time. I don't like this getting old business, not that anyone is actually getting younger.

Birthdays admittedly aren't as exciting anymore & when people ask me what I'm doing for my birthday I'm usually a little bit like 'hmmm, I don't know'. Are we meant to do something on our birthday every year? Other than repeatedly use the excuse 'but it's my birthday', which I can say I used....alot!

This year I seemed to be running about alot, not much time was spent chilling until atleast five. I would say that is pretty good going, even though admittedly I've been chilling since before five tonight. What can I say, once it starts getting darker my body slows down & goes into relax mode...I just can't seem to stop it.

I did get to have a really good long Skype with one of my best friends Ally, I really wish I could see her more. Both on Skype & in person (never met her yet)! Along Skyping, cards & presents my birthday was made complete with some fantastic, incredibly made cupcakes. I mean come on...

I'd like to warn you,this post is crammed with cupcake goodness!

I didn't manage to take photos of them all since four of them got eaten on my birthday & I took these photos the next day. Should now be the time when I admit that I had a little photo shoot/session for my cupcakes? Don't judge me. I just had to capture the beauty of them.

My mum ordered me the cakes (sometimes, there are no surprises when you get older you know) & she said she'd told Becky (the creator & baker of such beautiful creations) to do whatever she'd like, she'd leave it to her. I mean imagine how hard that must be, try to create something when you're a little unsure. So me being me, decided I'd create a list to help her along her way. After noseying on her Facebook page where she posts pictures regularly of cakes she's created, I saw she had made cupcakes for a lady with a few of her favorite things on top. It was only right that I gave her a list to help her, surely?

Here are the finished cakes...

Honestly, if  I could capture the smell & create a candle I would because these smell sooooo delicious! I'm afraid you'll have to take my word for it, I can't share them with you. I wish I could.

A cupcake with your blog name on?! Now that is pretty amazing...

So much love for the cupcakes...smooches for them all around, showing the love!

Finally, after over three years of hinting nagging around Birthday & Christmas my mum finally listened &...

I finally received a One Direction card, oh yeahhhhh!!! Smooches & love for the 1D boys!

If you'd like to see more of Becky's (the cake lady) creations, you can check out my twenty second birthday post or my delayed birthday treat post.

I hope you enjoyed checking out the beautiful cupcakes, if you had to choose one of them to eat which would you choose?

♥

five things I'm proud of myself for...

Yesterday I was in the supermarket when I spotted an ex boyfriends dad. That instantly made me think of him (the ex boyfriend of course) & how well he must be doing with his life now. I genuinely felt like bursting in to tears right there & then, just thinking at how sh*t I've done so far. What do I have to show for myself? Am I doing really well in life, on the successful scale? On the work scale? On the money scale? No, not really.

I was texting my friend at the time & her automatic response to me saying how well his son was doing in life was, 'you're doing amazing!!xxxxxx'. Now I think about it, I'm actually doing pretty well. On the success, job, work & money scale not so much but health wise, positivity wise, improvement wise I'm doing a pretty darn good job. My friend then suggested that I wrote a list of 5 things I'm proud of myself for instead so here I am...

1. my little online space, my blog.
My blog isn't highly viewed, doesn't have a million followers, hasn't been professionally created but you know what I'm proud of it. I'm proud of everything I create for my little blog. I'm proud of watching not only my growth on here but also the improvement & growth of my blog itself. I'm loving learning more in this journey too.

2. my photographs/photography.
The photo above doesn't exactly show off my photo skills does it :/ but hey, we'll just say I'm not good at photographing at nighttime or screens, deal? Deal! :) Why do screens never take a good photo? Any ideas?

 When I first started blogging I would just use photos of quotes I'd find on weheartit (I'm still a little bit addicted to that app/site) or I'd just take photos on my phone & upload them. Phone photos then turned into camera photos (a compact camera) now I've got a bridge camera (I don't understand what that means but I know it takes better photos). I'm more into learning about the settings when it comes to taking photos now. Almost every time I turn on my camera I learn something new. My photographs are certainly something I'm proud of & the improvements I'm making.

3. passing my driving test.
I've repeatedly said this but after experiencing panic attacks & anxiety starting between the age of 16/17 I never thought I'd ever be able to sit a single lesson, let alone sit over 60 & sit 2 driving tests. But I did it & I'm so proud of myself because I know just how hard it was for me.

4. being a good person.
Don't get me wrong I'm not any kind of angel or saint but I class myself as a good, genuine, honest person. I can occasionally be found fighting the urge to scream thank you at someone sarcastically whilst they don't have any manners after I've held the door open for them or let them go past in a busy shop. Sometimes when I'm driving I find myself fighting the urge to stick two fingers up at ignorant drivers. I thought I'd throw that bit in the mix cos I don't want to fully toot my own trumpet cos I'm not all good, nobody is but being a good person is something I'm proud of.

5. how far I've come.
Sometimes you have to loose something to make you appreciate it more. Freedom, health & independence were certainly something I lost. Until something is taken away from you, you don't fully realize how much it actually means to you. I now have all 3 of them back, to some degree anyway. Little improvements are made fairly often now.

This is a quote from my very first blog post, in the archives somewhere you can find a post when I looked back over old posts...if you want to of course.

So yes, that is the five things I'm proud of myself for. Maybe in a couple of years I'll be able to create a list of five different things I'm proud of myself for.

I just want to say a little thank you to Bethany (my friend who suggested I create the list), thank you for always being so supportive, so lovely, so genuine, so honest & just so you I guess. I know you've got a tough week ahead but I know you can make it & you know I'm only a text, tweet, imessage, facetime, phone call away if you need me!

If you're feeling abit poopy about yourself why not join in? Write a list of five things you're proud of yourself for, I'd love to read them!

♥

missing in action, a little update...

Almost at the end of January (where has this month gone) & I've only posted once, yes...once. I'm not exactly happy with this but sometimes life happens & we just don't have time to blog, bloggers who else is with me? A little voice inside my head wants me to apologise but why should I? :/

I'm just going to share a little update & hopefully get my blogging mojo back sometime soon, hopefully very soon.

At the beginning of the year (2nd January if were being exact), my dad had a back operation so I've been helping him alot, whether it be around the house (you know, tea must be made every half an hour on the dot) or driving him to hospital appointments. So I've been helping with my dad & him being out of action also means my mum is in need of a little more help at the shop too. Luckily (in a way of course) business is alot quieter after Christmas but everyone seems to be quieter so nothing to worry about there.

Over the past two months or so I've felt like I've lost myself. Only slightly but I feel like I'm getting myself back. I'm learning alot more about myself, knowing what I like, knowing what I don't like. Knowing what kind of people I need in my life, knowing what kind of people I don't need in my life. Knowing what makes me happy, knowing what doesn't make me happy. One thing I'm still to figure out is what I want to do as a career, working in a carpet shop (what I do now) isn't that enjoyable. Plus, there isn't an awful lot to do sometimes either. I need to find myself more.

One thing I have learnt about myself is I'm loving my new camera my parents bought me for Christmas. I've taken over 500 photos in less than a month but I've narrowed it down to a few of my favorites to share with you.

I've learnt something I like about photography, I prefer to take creative photos. I like creating photos, making them different, spotting something unusual or unusual and beautiful. Once I've captured a photo I don't like adjusting the lighting in photos though, I don't tweak them slightly. I like to keep them original, leave them natural. Obviously sometimes though I do tend to alter the effects, I'm quite a fan of the black & white photos.

Hopefully over this year we'll (me & you, my friend) will be able to see improvements in my content & my photography.

Whats new with you?

♥

one year, twelve goals...

It's important, good & healthy to set ourselves goals. The goals I've set are all very realistic & do able, if I take the right steps in the right direction to head towards them/reach them.

I'd first decided I was going to create just six goals, then my idea changed. One goal per month is pretty much doable, right? Some of the goals will be something that will hopefully happen every month anyway.

Let's get started...



1. Meet atleast 3 online friends.
Over the past few years I've found myself in some very lovely friendships online. Online, then turns to texting, that can lead to Skype/phone calls & you can also end up sending post. Some people will debate how you can create a friendship with someone you have never met, believe me when I say this it is one of those things that you probably wont understand until you've been there. So yeah, girls you know who you are & we need to be meeting.

2. Attend one or more concerts.
For this year I already have 2 concerts booked, but just because they are booked doesn't necessarily mean I'll be able to attend them. I'm going to try my best to, I'm already planning how I'll manage it & the first one isn't even until April. In the meantime though, I best get practicing my lyrics (even though I could possibly be a backing singer already with the songs I already know on the albums)...

3. Save more money than I spend.

This year is the first time I've noticed a serious drop in my bank balance, it makes me feel pretty anxious. I'm worrying a little about it but if I stop my spending sooner rather than later & save more than I spend we should be all good. So days that could be spent shopping will be altered for something else that won't be as expensive.

 

Plus, for the times when I do go shopping I have a new rule when it comes to clothes (a girl can never have too many clothes, right? wrong?) if I don't wear the item within two weeks of buying it I'm returning it. If I really do love something I wear it within a few days. 

 

4. Take a weekend break.

I've not been on holiday for the past 7 years. But since I haven't been I've kind of got in the mindset of I'm not really bothered about it. I did used to enjoy holidays, I'd really like that feeling & experiences to come back. I could even mix this one together with meeting online friends. Travel closer to them & stay in a hotel (even though this would be spending money) but hey, experiences & getting to meet fantastic people.

 

5. Read one book every month (more likely every two months).

 I'm an absolute sucker for a good book, I would say who isn't but I know a few people who can't stand reading. They'd much rather watch the film. The thing I love about reading a book is that you can create the characters in your own mind, you can picture them how ever you want. Films, you don't have that option. They are already created on screen for you.

 

Over the past couple of months my pile of books to read has grown higher & higher. Have you read any of these? I'm really looking forward to reading them.

 

 

 

6. Tackle the stigma surrounding mental health more.

 Tackling the stigma can be pretty easy, we can all do it. Speaking openly about mental health is one of the ways of bashing that nasty stigma. I plan to speak more about mental health. I can't speak for every mental illness but anxiety & panic attacks, sure thing.

 

7. Drink more water

 How many of you have this as a new years resolution? I don't usually. But I'm actually enjoying the taste of water. Water wins against drinking fizzy pop any day of the week, drink fizzy pop & you still seem to be thirsty if not even more thirstier. Water is the way forward. At the minute I'm probably only drinking two glasses of water but it is a start.

 

8. Spread my blogging wings a little more.

My parents bought me a new camera for Christmas, I can't thank them enough cos I bloomin' love it so much. I used to use a little Canon compact camera but now I have what I call a big girl camera. How many of you have a big girl or big boy camera?

 

My Christmas present to myself was then a tripod, so I can create some fashion related posts. I'm thinking of 'one top, three ways to wear it' kind of post. I'm hoping to give others inspiration & ideas, but also give myself some too whilst I'm rummaging through my wardrobe. So watch this space...

 

 

9. Keep my diary up to date.

 Last year I managed this up until I think it was September, at the end of every week I'm going to sit down & make sure it is up to date. I could maybe even try to plan a few blog posts for certain days around what I'm doing, please don't hold me to that.

 

10. Cook more meals.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who doesn't cook that often, mainly because admittedly my mum does most of the cooking in our house. If you have any recipes then send them my way, I'll be very grateful. 

 

11. Enquire more about braces.

Almost every time I look in the mirror I question my teeth/my smile. There was mention of me being referred last time but I haven't so maybe next time I'm at my check up I will mention it. Or I can get in touch with the orthodontist myself. I'm pretty sure it is expensive though but I think I'd only actually need them on my top teeth. 

 

12. Move...more.

I want to be more active. Recently I've found myself sitting down, looking down & thinking when did my belly get that much bigger. I'm not saying I'm fat because I know I'm not, but I'm not pleased with what I see so I'm going to move a little bit more. 

 

♥



There you have it, my twelve goals for this year. I'm thinking of reviewing them every three months so I can track my progress.

 

Have you set yourself any goals this year?

Let me know, I love hearing from you!

 

              ♥

a year in my life, 2014

Most people will probably be getting excited about going out, painting the town red. Not me, no...I'm genuinely really looking forward to recapping my last year in my pjs from the comfort of my sofa. Before I started writing this one I reread 'a year in my life,2013' ...last year I didn't manage to do each month separately but this year I can, I have so much to share. I think we could be in for a lengthy post, you have been warned...

When it comes to keeping a diary, I'm a little bit pants. But this year was different. I managed to keep my diary pretty much up to date up until November, I'm impressed & next year I'm going to try for the whole year.

So with both the help of my diary & blog post archive I think it's time to recap 2014, what a year it has been...

 

 

January

 

January saw me turn 22, of course in the style of Taylor Swift. I did spend the majority of the day either playing 22 or singing, "I don't know about you, but I'm feeling 22... everything will be alright if we just keep dancing like were 22...". I think I'll have to  listen to it a little bit more since I wont be 22 forever, once I'm 23 it wont feel appropriate, damn getting old! My 22nd birthday also saw me go to the cinema for the first time in over 4 years, crazy.

With highs must come lows, I failed my driving test first time around. Oh, well that was pants.

Oh, were going back up again...I shared two of my old letters to my mind/brain. I felt it would be a good way of sharing hope with you, proof that things can be hard & then they can get better. If you want to check that out, I'll leave the link...here!

January saw me share on my blog the fantastic charity called Coppafeel, I'll leave the link to that post right...here.



Still going upwards, I created & hit publish on my first ever diy nail post...when I tried my hand at something new.



Onwards & upwards we go still, I had the pleasure to have Bethany, creator of Loving Dot on my blog...click Loving Dot & you'll go back in the past to the post...ooh time travelling for you. I'm very pleased to say that I now class Bethany as a friend of mine, I'd like to thank her for being so genuinely lovely & wish her all the luck in the world for 2015. I know 2015 will see Loving Dot grow even more with new stock. Be sure to check out Loving Dot, you won't regret it...loveliness for your eyes even if you don't buy anything.

♥

February

February saw the first ever time to talk day, not only was it the first ever time to talk day. It was also the very first day that I met my lovely friend Nicola. You can read all about it here, if you like.

I'd also been blogging for a whole year, one whole year...I'm almost reaching the two year mark, crackers! So, can I call myself a blogger now?



I blogged about the difference a year or two can make... , I thought I'd throw this one in my yearly recap because I certainly do think it's good to recap on things. Why not check it out?

Oh & February was the month when I actually PASSED MY DRIVING TEST! I still can't fully get over it & I'm still beyond proud of myself. It was & still is such a massive achievement for me. If it wasn't for Sharon I wouldn't of achieved it, massive thanks to my driving instructor Sharon! I'd recommend her to anyone without even having to think about it. Tilly also became part of my life too, yes I have named my car...don't pretend you haven't named yours.



One last thing in February, I did a cupcake course but I got round to blogging about it in March...want to see some yummy cupcakes? Look no further...CUPCAKES! 

♥

 

March
 

I had a Happy Monday for Mind. I went over to Nicola's for the very first time & March also saw me take a trip to Yorkshire Wildlife Park. March wasn't overly busy in real life or over on my blog, atleast it's balancing out this post.

 

♥



April

I created my top tips for learning to drive, whilst dealing with anxiety. I'm so pleased to say that this is my most popular post out of every single post I've written.

April was the month I attempted to overcome my fear of the dentists. I managed pretty well, I managed to have a check up & a filing. With the filing I managed to go on my own too, big achievement for me. Obviously I haven't fully overcome it but it's better than not going.

♥

 

May

I had nothing in my diary for the month of May so I checked in on my blog posts to see what happened & I thought I'd just share with you my first attempt at a 'fashion' post...how I 'style' my dungarees. I really enjoyed creating this post & I'm hoping to create some more in the new year after enjoying it so much & the feedback I got.



Plus I decided to create a post sharing some of my achievements in you can still have an illness & achieve something...

♥

 

June

I went to see Boyzone live (with Kian Egan), that was an incredible time & I'm hoping to create more memories like that this next year.

What goes up must come down, I attempted to go to a bloggers meet up. Attempted says it all really, it was a no go. Hey, atleast I tried.

 

♥

July

I spent the day in a park for a family friends birthday. Two years before I had to miss their wedding in the same village we live in so it was an absolute achievement for me & I really enjoyed myself.



Beat Cancer BBQ, bbqing with family & friends whilst raising money at the same time...what could be better?!

A definite highlight for me this year was winning a competition with Barry M.



♥



August

I met a boy, boy isn't still in my life, do I still think about him? Occasionally yes of course, I'm human with feelings. Enough said. Nothing else to say on the topic but it is something that happened so I thought I'd throw it in here.

I took a trip down memory blog lane, looking back at how things have changed.



♥



September

I had my first ever group job assessment, I didn't get to the next stage of the job interview process. But September was the month I did get a job. Wow, September is abit of a short section.



♥

 

October

Firstly I blogged about getting my new job. Oh, & having a panic attack at work too.

Up & down month but a happy, happy thing is a whole lot of chitty chat turned ONE! Awww, my little internet baby.

♥

November

Life didn't seem to have much going on in the last two months of 2014. I kind of left my job, maybe that was why things didn't seem busy because I took things a little bit steadier.

November was the month I finally watched Frozen, I loved it & decided to create a post sharing what I learnt from Frozen.



♥



December

December was abit of a scary month for me, health wise. I was convinced I must have Breast Cancer (my mum had it), I don't I've been had appointments & been checked. Trust me, if I could convince myself the sky was green & the grass was blue I'm sure I would.

But of course, life has ups & downs. That was the down part of December. Upside...I'M GOING TO SEE ONE DIRECTION!!! Yeah, I'm clearly not excited about that. December obviously also bought Christmas too, that was pretty good. But now I'm not feeling it anymore, it's boring me a little bit. It doesn't bore me every year, it just feels like it's dragged on for far too long this year.

♥

Ok, that is the recap done & dusted for another year. These years are going by crazily fast, this year even more so for some reason.

A little note now to the girls I've become friends with over the past year. I want to say that each & every single one of you are incredible & unique in your own way. I love each & every single one of you. I love watching each & every single one of you grow even more as a person. I wish you all the best for 2015, I hope it is amazing for you!

I hope you've all had a lovely Christmas & Happy New Year to you!!!

♥

p.s. If you've done a recap on your blog too, please share it with me. I love reading them & recapping with you.

♥