letters from the past, proof how things can change?

Hello there my lovely friend...felt like referring to my blog & readers as my lovely friend, as you do. I am starting to feel like I'm gaining friendships with some of you & it is fantastic! :)

On twitter I mentioned that I found some letters to myself, well to my mind/brain. A few of my followers favourited the tweet so I thought I'd upload them on to here. I had even dated them & put the time on them too. I suppose so I could read back & remember how long ago it was, I'm guessing that was my thinking anyway. So today I have decided to bring those letters to your eyes..to prove to you that things do & can get better. These are fairly personal, nobody has actually seen them..you know so why not throw them out in to the internet. I'm throwing them out there as proof that things can improve, especially when you really feel they can't.

♥

Saturday 23rd June 2012, 2pm
Dear mind/brain, why are you so determined to make me & my body feel so sick. I wake up day after day with the feeling of nausea, sometimes it disappears & fades but it doesn't seem to be long until I realize its back again. Sometimes it is just so strong I can't help but lay down on my bed & want to cry (both to let my frustration & upset out). During the past three years the feeling has been with me, I'd like to think it had gotten easier by now but NO & I'm not used to it, it is STILL in the way. Obviously the normal reaction to feeling so sick is to stay at home, which is what I have done until just gone dinner when I decided I could probably manage to walk into town, oh boy was I wrong. I got half way there & couldn't shake the feeling of nausea or the thought away. It didn't go away, even on my way home. I'm starting to wonder if I'm pushing myself too much. When did it all become so terribly hard? The simple things in life don't seem so simple! Walking to town, travelling in a car, going to the hairdressers & going to the dentists! Why won't this feeling & thought just budge? I eat normal, I drink normal, I don't drink alcohol, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs! But what I do do is worry too much & think too much! One of these days it all has to get a little bit easier, step by step, day by day!!!!

Sunday 24th June 2012, 1.55pm
URRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!
why cant I just lead a normal life, yes nobody leads a perfect life, everyone has problems but seem to manage an average day to day life. Such as going out to work, nipping to the shop or even going out to the seaside for the day. I don't remember the last time I went to the seaside. I'd love to have been able to jump in the car & go to the seaside. The Mend are performing live today at Butlins, Skegness. It would of been a fantastic day & a rememberable experience but once again due to feeling sick I can't really manage a ten minute drive up the road, nevermind a two hour drive. It is making my life so much more harder than it has to be. I'm 20 years old, I'm meant to be enjoying myself, being young & carefree. I'd love to be able to jump in a car or on a train & just go for an enjoyable day out, but I can't concentrate on anything other than this awful strong sick feeling! I miss the days when I could just hang out with friends, go to the cinema or bowling. Those days are long gone & so are the "friends". I have nothing to be worried about but anxiety makes me believe otherwise. When did everything go so horribly wrong?! I know part of life is your meant to do things you don't like but I don't feel like I can physically do it! It is meant to get easier the more you confront it....so when does it seriously get easier?! Eating food is meant to get rid of the feeling but I feel sick if I eat, I feel sick if I don't....feel like I can't win!

♥

As you can tell I obviously wasn't writing my letters with love....I usually end letters with lots of love. Not these letters, I didn't even put my name. I'm really glad that I found these letters actually because recently I've been feeling like I'm not getting anywhere but I'm in a much better place than I was almost 2 years ago, hoooooraayyy! The end of June 2013 I started driving lessons, I clearly couldn't of done that the year before.

♥

I always like to find a suitable image, usually a quote from weheartit & here is my choice for this post....

Image found on weheartit

How true is it really? Life doesn't get any easier, we really do just get stronger. I feel so much stronger now than what I was this time last year. What a difference a year can make. In life nothing has really altered, I've just become stronger & I'm now in a much better place. In my mind set & physically.

I haven't posted this for sympathy of any kind, I have posted this as just a little reminder that things can get better. We can all improve as people & become stronger & handle situations better.

Thanks for reading.

- Anna ♥