If you read my post yesterday or if you happen to follow any mental health related twitter then you'll know that this week is mental health awareness week & the main focus is anxiety.
Anxiety is the mental illness I struggle with, I started suffering around the age of 16/17 so basically school leaving age. I had absolutely no idea what was happening to me at all. I mean why would I? I'd never heard of mental health before, never mind mental illness. It turns out I was suffering with anxiety & panic attacks. I remember being so unaware of what was happening & actually going to the doctors so often that it was beginning to feel like a second home to me. I can still remember the first place I had my first ever panic attack, completely unaware & quiet frightened because I had no idea what was happening to me. The symptoms felt so physical so how could it not be a physical illness?
I'm now 22 & I'm still learning to manage my condition. I've received therapy twice, with two different councillors & the second one was absolutely fantastic! I can't praise her enough. I'm on a small dosage of anti depressants. But I can honestly say if I didn't ask for help I honestly dread to think how my life would be now.
No two peoples conditions are the same. No two peoples anxieties are the same. We all have anxiety to a healthy extent but when the anxiety creeps into your every day life that is when it becomes part of you & part of an illness. I've learnt to accept that anxiety is just going to be part of me now. I still have my anxiety provoking situations, negative thoughts & the physical symptoms that can come along with it. But I've learnt how to balance my anxiety, making life more manageable.
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what anxiety is like for me...
a lot of 'what ifs' going through my mind, 'what if' I get there & I can't cope, 'what if' I go & I become sick, 'what if' the car breaks down...what feels like a simple 'what if' can seriously affect my day to day life. I haven't been on holiday for over 7 years, because 'what if' I can't cope...'what if' I ruin it for everyone...'what if' I don't enjoy it...
nausea is my main physical symptom, not there as often but my automatic reaction to feeling sick is 'oh, I must be coming down with a bug'...I don't actually remember the last time I had a bug, so I've been worrying about that for a while, unnecessarily.
occasional panic attacks, thanks to the medication have calmed down but I can still feel them building up but they don't reach their peak like they used to. I can usually calm them down by correcting my breathing. A panic attack for me is often racing heartbeat, being unable to stay still (a fair bit of pacing back & forth), shortness of breath, shaking, feeling of emptiness in my stomach & the delightful nauseous feeling.
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That is pretty much what anxiety is like for me.
What is anxiety like for you?
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Tomorrows post is going to be...'Anxiety is only part of me, not all of me...'
Thanks for reading.
- Anna ♥
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Such an honest and lovely post. Thank you for letting us in to a little more of you. <3 can't wait for tomorrow's.
ReplyDeletethank you Nichole! :) I'm glad you enjoyed it :) xx
DeleteYou're an incredibly brave cookie to be so open about it and the fact that you're learning all the time how to control it is really inspirational Anna.
ReplyDeleteM x
I really haven't always been this brave, trust me..but I'm getting there :) xxx
DeleteHi Anna! What a fantastic post! My anxiety is very similar to yours, but mine is more self focuesd (what if people laugh at me because I don't look good, say something stupid etc). This started also in my mid-teens, I am now 29 and only really asked for help this past year.
ReplyDeleteMy physical symptoms used to be nausea, I lost a lot of weight when I was around 22, but now it is mainly a sleep disorder. I finished six months of intensive therapy with a psychologist I loved! (was my third attempt at it though!) I am also on medication, I was on an anti-depressant which I have now stopped and started on a medication for my sleep, as that is my main issue.
You're not alone - we can and will get through this. Your anxious thoughts will never go away, they might quiten down a bit, but it will always be there. It's just learning how to manage them that is the key! Best of Luck
heyy :) thank you! that is fantastic that you are finally getting the help you need & deserve :) I completely agree, it wont ever go away but its just about managing it all & as I see it become friends with your illness instead of hating it :) thanks for the luck & comment too, thank you for reading & best of luck to you too :) xxx
DeleteI really admire you for sharing how anxiety has affected you. I can very much relate to how you described it. I'm so glad to hear your panic attacks are more under control- they are things to have to experience!
ReplyDeleteFaye | freckles-and-all.com
thanks Faye, on my blog I don't really know much else but I'm changing that a little :) they are a lot more under control...they are things to have to experience? made no sense :/ :) xx
DeleteOops! must have had a bit of a foggy brain when I wrote that comment... I meant to say they are horrid things to have to experience!
Deleteits okay :) I was just baffled too..they really are :) xxx
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