it's ok not to be ok at Christmas...

'It's the most wonderful time of the year'

 

How many times have you heard this? I've currently got the jingle going in my head, you know the one...'it's the most wonderful time of the yearrrrrrrrr'. I don't want to bring a downer on to things cos don't get me wrong Christmas can be a magical & wonderful time but when it comes to health I don't think it puts Christmas in to consideration. It doesn't think, 'oh you know what, I think we'll let them have the day off & they can feel great for one day of the year, consider it my Christmas gift to you'. I don't think it works like that at all.

 

But you know what, that is absolutely fine. It's ok not to be ok, what a true saying.

 

I thought I'd just throw this little post out there into the cyber world because I know a few people who are struggling to be happy & cheery. But you don't have to be happy & cheery, if you aren't well then you aren't well & that's ok too.

 

If you are struggling then don't be afraid to talk. Talking for me has helped me so much, so I thought I'd share that piece of knowledge/wisdom with you.

 

There is always someone out there, someone who will listen to you & be there for you.

 

If you are struggling with your mental health especially over the festive period don't be afraid to ask for help, talk, be heard.

 

Samaritans

 

Mind

 

I'm sure you will be able to get find help from both of these places.

 

You, reading this...don't ever suffer in silence, please.

I've wanted to create a post like this for a couple of weeks now & after reading a post about a fellow blogger attempting suicide, I couldn't think of a better time. I genuinely want anyone who is struggling to get the help they need & deserve. Reading the bloggers blog before I knew she suffered with her mental health but I clearly didn't realise to what extent she was struggling. I just want her to know now that if she ever needs someone to listen to her, I will try my best to be that ear.

♥




Barry M 'Ruby Slippers' & Rimmel London 60 Seconds 'Rapid Ruby' (undercover)

Ok, so first off we have a slight problem. I can only seem to narrow down the photos I've taken to twelve. Photo filled post anyone? I'll try to narrow it down a little bit as I go along, can't make any promises & they aren't all the same photo so it'll be all good...hopefully!

This week I'm absolutely loving wearing Ruby Slipper by Barry M on top of Rapid Ruby by Rimmel London. I painted them on Monday night & here we are on Thursday & there is no sign of a chip at all, I'm pretty impressed.

 

In all honesty when I picked up Ruby Slippers I thought it would be full on glitter & wouldn't require a coloured base coat, unfortunately I was wrong but it wasn't a problem since I'd also recently bought Rapid Ruby. At the minute I have a soft spot for raspberry reds & deep burgundy reds. So add the two together & we are on to a winner.



 

You can probably tell by looking at Ruby Slippers that it will produce a small amount of glitter & definitely requires a coloured base coat to help it out a little. 



 

 

At first I did try to paint Ruby Slippers on its own seeing as I thought it was a solid glitter polish like some others I own. But once it has a coloured undercoat it gives a real festive look.

 

 

And of course it gives off a different shading depending on the lighting.

 

 

What I really love about Ruby Slipper is the fact of it has a little bit of texture to it & at the same time it manages to also have a glossy finish to it. Slightly debating now if I took the photo below before or after I'd added the top coat, I'm certain it was after & according to the camera times it was after. Plus if I touch the polish now it does have a rough feel to it.

 

 

See what I mean?

 

Throwing in one more picture to the mix wont hurt will it?

 

 

I didn't think so either! :) he he.

I've got a feeling I'll be getting my use out of Ruby Slipper both on top of Rapid Ruby & other colours too. It certainly does have that festive feel to it. 



♥

 

This week I also went into my local Boots & picked up two glittery polishes from the Seventeen range. I've had glittery polishes from their collection before & I haven't needed to add a coloured base underneath so I'm hoping I wont have to with these two new ones either. If they turn out lovely & I'm impressed I'll of course be sharing them on here too.

 

 

Have you picked up any festive nail polishes recently? Or do you have a classic one you go back to around Christmas time?

 

♥

no 'suffering', no 'battling', just living

Last night I decided I wasn't going to use twitter or instagram for a few days, well that lasted the whole of about 10 hours & that was because I was asleep. Sometimes I make quick decisions thinking it'll be a really good idea & then in reality it just isn't going to work. You can't just switch off from something you are so used to. I check twitter & instagram first thing in the morning, it's like my morning paper. The plan is to just use it a little less, no ipad/screens first thing in the morning or past half 9. I need to get myself in to a healthy sleeping routine. Anyway, that hasn't really explained this post at all.

The post title came to me after contacting Kris Hallenga (the founder of Coppafeel), I then read her twitter bio...

'Not 'suffering' 'battling' just living!'

 

It really struck a chord with me. For so long I've been claiming to both suffering & battling with anxiety but in actual fact right now, I'm just living with it. I'm no longer suffering with it, because I can now manage it. I'm no longer battling with it, because I know how to control it. I don't run away from my anxiety anymore, I just accept it & live with it.

 

I thought I'd share this quote with you all because it rang so true to me & I thought I'd save it on my little chunk of the internet.

♥



blogging routine? blogging series? goodbye to you both...for now?

I've felt the need to write this for a while now. Myself & a blogging routine really doesn't seem to be working out at the minute. I can't seem to grasp one & I'm not going to be harsh or beat myself up about it. Sometimes it just isn't possible to have a routine & I'm ok with that.

For me, having a routine takes the fun out of it a little bit. Let's be honest, blogging should be a fun thing to do. Regardless of what you are blogging about. But don't get me wrong I have nothing against people who have routines & who schedule their posts, but it's just not for me.

On to blogging series, I've had a few over the past year or so...'monthly movie', 'Sunday sharing', 'Hey, let's talk about...'. But they all seem to come to an end because I end up feeling a little bit pressured to post them on the same day every week & to create something worth reading. I do also feel like I'm cheating a little too, instead of sharing a book I've enjoyed reading as a post I just end up throwing Sunday sharing infront of the title. For me I think things always work out better when you don't have to force yourself.

Ok, there we have it. I've shared what I've got to say on the matter.

Today has been a bit of an easy relaxed day (they genuinely don't happen often) so it is so lovely to have one. Not necessarily one by choice to be honest, one by recommendation...recommended by my mum, that doesn't usually happen. But since this morning I almost passed out (that was an absolutely terrifying experience, I don't think I've ever been so scared) she has told me to take it easy, mums know best right?

I've been thinking over the past week or so of different post ideas that I'm going to put together over the next couple of weeks, hopefully!

So, what are your opinions on blogging routines & series?
Let me know? :)

♥

p.s. want to know a little secret?

I'm going to see ONE DIRECTION next year!!!

Are you going?!

*whispers* I'm totally not excited about it or anything, got to play it cool...

ok, so a) I'm scared & b) my brain wont switch off

Funnily enough I think my brain might switch off a little easier tonight, just knowing I'm starting this post. I near enough automatically feel a weight lift of my chest within seconds of my fingers hitting the keys.

I find it so difficult still to refer to myself as a blogger, even after almost 2 years. I don't feel like I have any routine or really fit in any category. I didn't start out blogging to become a massive blogger. I became a blogger to get out of my brain for a little while. That is exactly what I'm going to do tonight. I'm going to get out of my head what is bothering me lately.

I don't have a clue if any of you will actually read this, I'm guessing a few of you will though & I thank you for that cos I know you'll be nothing but supportive & lovely, like always! I love that about blogging, we are all a little loving community.

So, what is bothering me? My brain wont switch off & it's leading to me being scared. My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer, two years ago I think it was now (time flies by so fast!) & a few years previous to that, my dad was diagnosed with cancer too. I remember vaguely dad being in hospital & me sitting at home thinking to myself, 'I must have cancer too'. The slightest part of my body feeling weird, 'yeah I must have cancer'. Now two years after my mum having breast cancer, she is now thankfully free of cancer. But what is going through my mind? 'Oh, what if I've got breast cancer?'. So now I feel the need to be constantly checking myself for any lumps, bumps & changes. But since I don't actually know if what I feel is normal for me, I get in a state, I worry. I then think it'll be a really good idea to go to the doctors. I've been once to be examined by my current doctor & I went before to my previous doctor. Both checked me, I'm fine & healthy. Is that a good enough answer for me? No, of course not. So I book another appointment. I get too scared & cancel it. That has happened twice now. Only because I check again & the symptom isn't there anymore. But now I've had a word with my doctor to see if I can be referred to someone. So I've been referred to have a scan, am I scared? Yes, I'm shitting myself! I'm really scared. What happens if there is something wrong with me?!

Well, if there is something wrong with me (minus my crazy anxiety of course) then I will not hide from the problem & hope it goes away. I will power on with a fighting spirit & beat whatever is thrown my way...oh & of course, I'll be blogging about it!

I might not have nothing to worry about, but try telling my brain that will you? That'll be great!

p.s. I've sat & wrote this post & I'm going to hit publish to prove that everyone struggles, you shouldn't have to struggle in silence, ever!

♥

limited edition 'Moonlight' by Barry M, bought in Boots ft. Blood Orange (gelly collection)

Remember a few weeks ago when I shared on here the limited edition nail polish Starlight? If you've not seen that post you can check it out by clicking...here :)

Barry M currently have two limited edition nail polishes in Boots, that would be Starlight & then as you have probably guessed by the title, Moonlight. Let me introduce you...

Moonlight

 

Before I get adding in any pictures of Moonlight on my nails I'd like to apologise on the state of my nails, I'm genuinely not sure if I'd gone around with the nail varnish remover or not...let's pretend I hadn't? Save myself some of the embarrassment :P

 

 

I decided this time round to show the polish with a base coat & on natural nails too. Since I used one of the new autumn gelly polishes by Barry M (Blood Orange) I thought I might aswell throw that in this post aswell instead of creating two separate ones, what a terrific idea!

 

Let's share the lime light equally & introduce blood orange in to the post now...

 

Blood Orange (Gelly collection)



In this photo I decided to show you the colour both with its natural gelly effect & then top the other one with my matte top coat, that top coat is getting a post of its own...it really is that good! I rarely have glossy nails now.

Blood Orange is without a doubt, the perfect red...by red I mean, red red...you know, proper red. Double decker bus red, postbox red, Rudolf nose red...It also happens to have made a pretty good base for Moonlight...

Just to let you know this shiny, shiny polish is an absolute bugger to photograph. I mean, how am I meant to take it without there being bits that are too shiny? I tried my best, pinkie swear.

Let's see how I got on taking it without a colour base...

Oooh, maybe a little bit better. Atleast you can see what the polish looks like, I think it's certainly eye catching & will without a doubt add a little sparkle to any dull manicure.

Want to see my whole creation now? Well, my left hand anyway...

I absolutely love mixing effects on my nails, you know...add a bit of glitter here, a matte effect there, throw in a gloss effect too.

I tried my best to photo all the polishes, but it proved a little difficult, here is my best shot...

I have absolutely no idea what so ever what happened to Moonlight in this one.


Right, I've come here to do what I wanted to do. I'm going to end this post here before I start rambling (ok, rambling even more). I hope you enjoyed this post.

Do you own either Starlight or Moonlight? Which is your favourite? Or which one would you purchase?

*whispers* I'd totally choose Starlight any day! No offence Moonlight, but you just don't have the same effect on me that Starlight does.

♥

struggling a little & my goal for today...

Right, I'm not going to beat around the bush...I'm struggling a little at the minute, day to day life is getting a little bit too much. But I'm just going with the flow, trying to remain calm & relax when I can. When I first started blogging I blogged for me, I had no readers. I didn't even think I'd end up with any readers but here I am now with a loyal following, a group I'd class as friends. I just blogged whatever was bothering me, so I'm going to do just that now.

Over the past year though I have started to throw together some different kinds of posts because I want to be more than anxiety, I have other qualities too. So you'll now be able to find the occasional fashion post, a fair few nail posts, music posts, film posts, crafty posts...a real mixture of things I love & what is current in my life. Unfortunately today what is current is my struggle.

I've been struggling for the past two weeks, some days are better than others of course. Every day I manage to go out, even when I don't even need to. I just go out because I'm scared of going backwards, I don't want to go back to being at home most of the time. I'm a lot more in control of it now though actually but that thought of going backwards does keep creeping in, the little monkey!

Blogging out my feelings was the reason I started blogging & just by typing what I have so far has given me a feeling of relief. A weight has been lifted off my chest. This is why people need to try their best to get out what is bothering them, talk about whatever they need to.

I'm currently sat on my bed, trying not to make eye contact with the mess on the floor...the mess that feels like it is growing bigger & bigger because I just keep adding to it. It's only messy because I come home late in the day & really can't be bothered to put the stuff (mainly clothes infact) away. So my plan for today is to clear my room of mess & clutter.

My goal for today is...to be able to sit at my desk later on today & blog about a recent nail polish I bought. Right now I can hardly see the surface of the desk or actually sit on the chair, so now you know what I'm working with.

Well that was an extremely rambly post, probably makes no sense but I'm going to hit publish anyway. Hopefully see you later!

♥