A single second of 24 hours

It's taken me a few weeks now to sit and actually write this post. I'm still currently off work sick, due to higher levels of anxiety and panic attacks than usual. It's almost been 2 months and during this time I've been trying my best to still maintain a life. I've been going into town on a regular basis, driving to the next town, going out for little walks and one of my favourite things to do...going to the football. If someone could tell my mind and body that it isn't a situation to be feared that would be great because they don't seem to be listening to me. None of the situations are easy, sometimes it takes me a few attempts but trying is the main thing.

To the outside world, people looking in on my world (mainly photos shared on Instagram and Twitter) people will think I've not got a problem, everything is a breeze for me, a walk in the park. Not quite. For example I'm often going to the football but doesn't mean I do it with ease, far from it. 

If and when I finally make it to the football I don't walk in calm, collected, physical symptom free, without a worry running through my mind. I walk in pretty fast, on edge, feeling sick, panicked, I spend the best part of the game eating either mints or ginger biscuits trying to enjoy the game and the atmosphere. If I never went when I felt ill I would never go, so onwards and upwards, I'll push through a little. I go with my mum and our two friends but one of them actually picks my mum up just incase I don't make it to the game, atleast then she doesn't miss out on the match.

This year on Mother's Day we went to the football (because where else would we be on Mother's day?) and this happened after the game...

Life moments that I won't be forgetting in a hurry. Doncaster Rovers is such a wonderful club, everyone makes you feel like part of the family. It's a warm, happy, friendly atmosphere and I love being a part of it.

The point of this post is to prove that a photo literally captures a second, we can all put on a brave face and smile, pretending everything is ok when in reality that isn't always the case. These photos don't capture me in the stadium an hour before shoveling a mixture of ginger biscuits, mints and Bach Rescue Lozenges as if they were going out of fashion. They don't capture me rushing to the car after the game because anxiety feelings were coming in fast. They don't capture me driving around in circles up and down the streets around the stadium calling my mum and telling her 'we need to go NOW'.  They don't capture me not being able to stay in the drive thru at KFC after meeting some of the players and arguing with my dad who called me selfish and told me that it wasn't exactly climbing a mountain. I just wanted to get home as soon as possible.

On the flip side it also doesn't capture how the players and manager are actually feeling either or what they've experienced in the changing room before the game/at half time/after the game, their time on the pitch or walking down the corridor to go home. It doesn't capture their life out of their football careers.

A photo captures a single second of a persons day. Easier said than done but try not to compare your entire day or life to one persons photo.  If someone has had a pretty crappy day they won't exactly be wanting to take photos and share that part of their day with the world, remember that.

'Life is like a camera, focus on what's important, capture the good times, develop from the negatives and if things don't work out, take another shot'.