Aaahh, it feels so good to be able to just sit down and write away my thoughts and worries. Anxiety seems to create an awful lot of them for me, it's kind like that (I'm kidding)! It's a real pain in the bum. Admittedly I wouldn't change it because it has made me a much stronger person.
Yesterday felt like such a down day for me, I was so close to tears a few times during the day. All because I've been comparing my life to others. Note to self, do not follow ex's on social media, it will just make you unhappy seeing them happy with someone else.
I was comparing my beginning of my journey to others middle. My inside life to their outside life. Comparing myself to others won't help in the slightest, it will just make me miserable and I'm not a fan of being miserable.
I'm writing this post as a way of expressing myself, getting the thoughts that are swimming around in my head out into the open. Writing these thoughts and feelings down will give them less power over me, it will set them free and hopefully someone else can relate (I'm certain I'm not the only person who feels like this).
Writing has helped me so much over the years, my little blog has helped me so much. I don't think you'll understand just how much, unless you blog yourself then you'll understand the feelings you get with having a blog. I feel like I've let blogging slip away out of my grasp with work but I don't want that to be the case, I love blogging and I want to get back in to it but it's ok to take a step or two back and then step forward whenever you are ready. I feel like I'm waffling now, OOOOOPPPS!
I'm comparing my life to others, the 'normal' things I haven't done that I probably should have done by now. But I guess no two people are actually the same, we all have different funny little ways, different techniques of dealing with things, different ways of living our own lives.
I probably 'should' have a boyfriend. I've been single for 7 years, 7 whole years quick sign me up on every online dating site going (I'm kidding)! It doesn't usually bother me at all in the slightest but I just feel like there is so much pressure to be in a relationship. I'm honestly hand on heart happy being single. I've been on my own for so long I'd find it very hard to share my life with someone. I'm sure I'll eventually find someone and be happier (I say happier because it can only be an improvement cos I'm happy just being me).
I probably 'should' have been abroad. Yes, I'm that ridiculous, I'm comparing myself to people because I've never been on a plane or left the UK. Is that really such a big deal? I don't think so, my brain tells me otherwise.
I 'should' probably be travelling to different places. That's never really been me though, I'd much rather admire the beauty on my own doorstep. I'm not much of a traveler, I've never traveled far with anxiety and I can't imagine it would go overly well.
I 'should' probably be looking at moving out. But I don't feel the need to. I don't have anyone to move out with, why should living at home feel so bad? I think I'm just being ridiculous about this one.
Ok, I shouldn't care what other people think about me. I shouldn't even care what rubbish my brain is feeding me. I should alter my thoughts a lot more, I'm doing a lot better than I was a few years ago. Everyone's journey is different and I really shouldn't care about anyone's but my own. The one I'm actually living.
Please feel free to share with me your random thoughts you have in your head, the things you feel like you 'should' be doing by now but aren't...come on, let's break the rules together!
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totally relate to this anna <3 it's something i'm working hard on too. comparing myself to others. it's never going to be as simple as "let's just not compare ourselves to others" because remember, our journeys have been pretty different compared to some "normal" ones. and you touched on something very important... YOUR happiness. not anyone else's. i really hate the word "should" - i try and replace it with "could" but of course, i say "should" still without even thinking about it. we've got into a habit of presuming the grass is greener. and anxiety has played a huge part in that. so breaking that habit will take time. and that's not our fault. but we will try to remind eachother that our grass is beautiful and unique.
ReplyDeleteyou have achieved SO SO SO much considering how challenging and tiring your anxiety can be. i bloody admire you!
love you banana xxxxxxxx
No, you're right. It won't ever be that simple :( if only it was hey :)
DeleteOur journeys have been VERY different indeed and it has shaped us into the incredible chicks we are today! :)
Our grass certainly is beautiful and unique, I'm not overly convinced the grass is greener on the other side :)
Thank you Ally, you already know how proud I am of you! love you fruit loop! <3 xxxx
I should be sitting over there with the talking group of girls rather than sitting here alone because I felt like I needed to study physics, but should I? I need to be alone sometimes, and usually I'm content, but sometimes when what you should be doing is just in your periphery or directly on your social media, you start conforming. I am this close to walking over there and joining but I'm forcing myself not to to prove the point: I don't need to do what I should be doing. I want to be oblivious to the world around me.
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The Life of Little Me
:) you do what you want to do, whatever that may be. Never feel you have to blend in or fit in <3 xxx
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