a massive achievement for me...

In life different things happen to different people. Things happen that form you into the person you are today. Sometimes it breaks you, sometimes it completely destroys you, sometimes it makes you hit rock bottom, sometimes it makes you stronger, sometimes it makes you re-evaluate what is important in life, what matters & what really doesn't.
Over the past two years I've seen a noticeable change & have experienced myself grow so much as a person. No two peoples lives are the same, not everybody experiences everything somebody else might. Not everyone will struggle with their mental health in their teens/early twenties. But some people will, I was one of those people. Over the past four years I've learnt how to deal with my anxiety & panic attacks. I haven't been bothered about relationships, going out getting drunk, finding a job to work every day of the week every hour given. I've been so wrapped up in my anxiety & panic attacks, they had a very tight grasp around me. Luckily now I've wiggled my way out of it's control, now I'm in control.
Looking back over the past four years I remember so much...attending doctors appointments completely unaware what was going off, struggling to stay in the waiting room of the doctors surgery, crying to myself just wanting to feel better, comparing my life to others, wishing I could just be normal & do normal things, wishing people would understand, attending therapy sessions, attempting to go out & it ending within minutes of arriving cos I just had to get home, walking into a shop & rushing back out the exit as soon as I could, not leaving the house without mints or soothers, walking back & forth to the nearest bus stop & not being able to get on the bus, getting into my parents shop & being hit by an unknown wave of fear & panic, not being able to go into town during the day, staying well & truly in my comfort zone (my house), thinking I'd never be able to get a job, fearing never being able to drive, fearing never being able to be independent.

But today I want to just share what I've managed to do over the past four years...that I didn't think I'd be able to do, things that I doubted I'd be able to do again...

Drive...I managed to do driving lessons, pass my theory test, pass my driving test & I'm still driving on my own now. Independent? Yes, yes I am.

Work...I started working for my parents which was a casual thing, just as and when, no pressure if I wasn't feeling up to it. I still remember at the beginning when I couldn't manage to work though, I couldn't even stay in the shop let alone work... the feelings of panic & fear were so strong. My mum would drive me home, sometimes I'd just get home & burst into tears...both out of sadness & frustration. But a little voice in the back of my head kept reminding me to try again, there is always time to try again. I guess really I just kept working at it & managed to do it. Now I've managed to help at a few other local shops, yet nobody has given me a contract. But...WAIT! Now I have a contract! It's official, I'm working for someone other than my parents!

This photo captures something that means so much to me. It's something so simple to some, but such a massive deal for me!

It makes me feel like part of a team, part of a unit, part of something...somewhere I can now belong & call my own little work place. Not only does it make me feel part of something, I'm also wearing it like a medal. A medal, proof that things can change, things do eventually work out, things really can happen. Don't ever give up on something, ever! The girl writing this & wearing her lanyard (totally called lanyard right?) is the same girl who at one point struggled to leave the house, remember that. You can do whatever you put your mind to, it just might take some time.

I'm not working in an office neither which I thought I'd be wanting to do, when I left school I just knew I liked computers. But now I have an absolute love for blogging, I feel like blogging has replaced my urge to work in an office on a computer. After working in my parents shop though I discovered that I enjoyed working with people..customers. There is so many interesting characters out there, I absolutely love it! I love chatting away to people too, so I mean what better kind of job for me than shop work. I don't think it's a secret neither that I love clothes so could there be a better job for me right now? I think not!

I can leave the house on my own, at one point I couldn't. I got to a point of not wanting to go out, getting to a point of having enough of going out & coming straight back home...I got to a point where I just gave up attempting to go out, becoming slightly housebound I'd say. I got to a point of automatically just saying no if I was asked out.

I can dog walk a lot further...I used to do the same route of dog walk to try & get back home as soon as I could. The odd times I'd feel so sick that I'd start to run so I could get home quicker. Now I don't do the same route, I can walk further, without having to worry about how long it would take me to get home...how quick I could get home, what route I would take.

I don't take mints & soothers out with me now...sounds slightly random but I genuinely couldn't do this. Mints and soothers were my safety behaviour, but not anymore. I don't check my bag or pockets to make sure I have any of them (yes I used to).
I'm going to leave it at that. Remember that you can always achieve what you put your mind to, yes it will take some time & an achievement is an achievement, no matter how big or small it is on the scale.
Have you achieved something recently?
Let me know, maybe?   :)  ♥


  1. Wow this is amazing, such a lovely post. I suffer with anxiety, and have made a big personal step for me, by finally booking driving lessons. I'm really nervous but I'm just hoping it goes well. I could also honestly say reading your posts have actually helped me, and given me that final push to book them. So I am very grateful for that. Although I don't even know you, I feel so proud, and happy at what you've achieved (i guess when you know what it feels like you feel more connected to the guts it takes to do this kind of thing right?!). So well well done its been so nice reading you're earlier posts to now, and look how far you've come!! So happy for you :) x

    1. :D eeeeekk, I'm so pleased for you! I'm so glad I've managed to help you too!!! It means soooo much :) Yes, I know exactly what you mean :) thank you very much!! xxxx

  2. Anna this is just bloody fantastic, look at how much you've achieved!!! You are such an inspiration and, if it's not too patronising, I'm so proud of you for getting your new job.
    (And yep, it's a lanyard!)
    Sending you all the hugs

    1. Michelle, it bloomin' well is isn't it!!! :D no, not patronising at all! :D It makes me smile so much knowing your proud, it's like I'm doing my little online community proud, I love it! hooraayyy for lanyards :P thanks for all the hugs, sending them all back to you too <3 xxxx

  3. Well, yes to all of these! Every little step is a step in the right direction and you deserve a huge hug and pat on the back for doing so. I'm just gonna give you a virtual round of applause down here in Somerset {virtual loud whooping and clapping} :-) And I'm sure there'll be lots more achievements to come! xx

    1. *huge hug* & *pats self on back*!!! thank you very much, means a lot! I'm sure when they happen I'll be back on here blogging about them :) xxx

  4. Hi Anna,

    I like how you compared the work tag to a medal, because it is in a way. I was the same as you. I'd hate when my parents would leave me alone in their shop (when they owned one). But I think working with other people that are strangers to you is far more exciting (and a little scary at that). I'm going for an interview tomorrow with M&S and it would be amazing if I got it. Any advice on retail interviews? :)


    Kayla xx

    1. Heyyy Kayla! :) long time no speak my lovely, well so it seems...I'm totally going to drop you a tweet later on lovely!

      It really is a medal to me :) It means so much, it really is proof that things can change. yesss without a doubt scary, the whole of my shift I didn't know anyone & all the time I felt like I was going to vomit...I didn't though so yayyyy!

      I'm gonna drop you a tweet about your interview :)

      thank you very much Kayla! <3 xxxx

  5. This is such a wonderful inspirational post <3 so chuffed for you. You go girl!

    1. thank you Anna! <3 woohoo! congratulations on the 2nd birthday too! :D xxx

  6. This post is hope to others that light can always be found in darkness. Congratulations not only on your new job, but personal achievements. Sending you much love, Peachy x