what anxiety is like for me...

If you read my post yesterday or if you happen to follow any mental health related twitter then you'll know that this week is mental health awareness week & the main focus is anxiety.
 
Anxiety is the mental illness I struggle with, I started suffering around the age of 16/17 so basically school leaving age. I had absolutely no idea what was happening to me at all. I mean why would I? I'd never heard of mental health before, never mind mental illness. It turns out I was suffering with anxiety & panic attacks. I remember being so unaware of what was happening & actually going to the doctors so often that it was beginning to feel like a second home to me. I can still remember the first place I had my first ever panic attack, completely unaware & quiet frightened because I had no idea what was happening to me. The symptoms felt so physical so how could it not be a physical illness?  
 
I'm now 22 & I'm still learning to manage my condition. I've received therapy twice, with two different councillors & the second one was absolutely fantastic! I can't praise her enough. I'm on a small dosage of anti depressants. But I can honestly say if I didn't ask for help I honestly dread to think how my life would be now.
 
No two peoples conditions are the same. No two peoples anxieties are the same. We all have anxiety to a healthy extent but when the anxiety creeps into your every day life that is when it becomes part of you & part of an illness. I've learnt to accept that anxiety is just going to be part of me now. I still have my anxiety provoking situations, negative thoughts & the physical symptoms that can come along with it. But I've learnt how to balance my anxiety, making life more manageable.
 
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what anxiety is like for me...
 
a lot of 'what ifs' going through my mind, 'what if' I get there & I can't cope, 'what if' I go & I become sick, 'what if' the car breaks down...what feels like a simple 'what if' can seriously affect my day to day life. I haven't been on holiday for over 7 years, because 'what if' I can't cope...'what if' I ruin it for everyone...'what if' I don't enjoy it...
 
nausea is my main physical symptom, not there as often but my automatic reaction to feeling sick is 'oh, I must be coming down with a bug'...I don't actually remember the last time I had a bug, so I've been worrying about that for a while, unnecessarily.
 
occasional panic attacks, thanks to the medication have calmed down but I can still feel them building up but they don't reach their peak like they used to. I can usually calm them down by correcting my breathing. A panic attack for me is often racing heartbeat, being unable to stay still (a fair bit of pacing back & forth), shortness of breath, shaking, feeling of emptiness in my stomach & the delightful nauseous feeling.  
 
 
That is pretty much what anxiety is like for me.
 
What is anxiety like for you?
 
 
Tomorrows post is going to be...'Anxiety is only part of me, not all of me...'
 
Thanks for reading.
- Anna ♥
 

10 comments

  1. Such an honest and lovely post. Thank you for letting us in to a little more of you. <3 can't wait for tomorrow's.

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    1. thank you Nichole! :) I'm glad you enjoyed it :) xx

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  2. You're an incredibly brave cookie to be so open about it and the fact that you're learning all the time how to control it is really inspirational Anna.
    M x

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    1. I really haven't always been this brave, trust me..but I'm getting there :) xxx

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  3. Hi Anna! What a fantastic post! My anxiety is very similar to yours, but mine is more self focuesd (what if people laugh at me because I don't look good, say something stupid etc). This started also in my mid-teens, I am now 29 and only really asked for help this past year.

    My physical symptoms used to be nausea, I lost a lot of weight when I was around 22, but now it is mainly a sleep disorder. I finished six months of intensive therapy with a psychologist I loved! (was my third attempt at it though!) I am also on medication, I was on an anti-depressant which I have now stopped and started on a medication for my sleep, as that is my main issue.

    You're not alone - we can and will get through this. Your anxious thoughts will never go away, they might quiten down a bit, but it will always be there. It's just learning how to manage them that is the key! Best of Luck

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    1. heyy :) thank you! that is fantastic that you are finally getting the help you need & deserve :) I completely agree, it wont ever go away but its just about managing it all & as I see it become friends with your illness instead of hating it :) thanks for the luck & comment too, thank you for reading & best of luck to you too :) xxx

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  4. I really admire you for sharing how anxiety has affected you. I can very much relate to how you described it. I'm so glad to hear your panic attacks are more under control- they are things to have to experience!
    Faye | freckles-and-all.com

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    1. thanks Faye, on my blog I don't really know much else but I'm changing that a little :) they are a lot more under control...they are things to have to experience? made no sense :/ :) xx

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    2. Oops! must have had a bit of a foggy brain when I wrote that comment... I meant to say they are horrid things to have to experience!

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    3. its okay :) I was just baffled too..they really are :) xxx

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